Sam and I discussed this late last night while we were driving to Natalie's so we could bury Rocky.
I was trying to explain how I was feeling about the whole Rocky situation. I was sad, sure, but maybe also relieved? I think Sam was feeling the same way. He told me that for his own selfish reasons, the presence of a baby in the house was difficult. It had me stressed, which made him stressed.
But also... to some degree I think while I was stressed out and unable to sleep properly for the past few days, I also enjoyed it. Something about feeding her and seeing her eat and swallow made me feel good. Something about her enjoying being washed made me feel good. I felt like I was putting a lot of effort into something that was very self-rewarding on its own. Even though the realistic part of me knew there was very little chance of her surviving, it still made me happy to be a part of her very little life.
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