The Mindful Rudyard

MoMobella's Xray

2012-01-30T07:25:00.000-08:00

Sam and I just moved into a lovely little townhome with hardwood floors.

All the critters dig it; they are excited about the slippery-slidey goodness in the living room and they love climbing the stairs (well, just the ferrets are excited about that. The rats haven't had a chance to try and Chuchundra doesn't even know the stairs exist. To her, there is just a wall.)

The ferrets have also discovered a magnificent thing called a walk-in shower, where they can walk in the shower whenever they want and if they get wet, its because they feel like it and not because I'm making them take a bath.

So, everyone has been having a great time in the new place. We still have boxes and unpacking to do, which makes everything significantly more fun for the ferrets. I mean, COME ON. A cardboard box with some trinkets and shit in it? Hell yeah, they want to play in that.

One late evening, the ferrets were romping about in my room whilst I was putting some items away when suddenly MoMoBella vomits all over some old ferret toys.

Obviously, I freaked out. If you know anything about ferrets, you know they don't vomit like cats and dogs do (I feel like cats and dogs will sometimes vomit just for the fun of it). I was worried she may have picked up a virus during the move. I have neglected to get her a distemper shot, which also crossed my mind. She wasn't outside long, just in transition from one place to another, but what if... what if... what if?

I call the vet the next day and make an appointment. In the morning, I grab MoMoBella while she is still sleeping, put her in the carry-tote, and rush out the door. She is still mostly asleep during the car ride, but she does keep looking at me as if to ask, "What the fuck is going on?"

(She gets a pissed princess look when you interrupt her from a beauty sleep.)

At the vet, she explores a bit in the waiting room. A dog comes out to sniff her carry tote, to which her immediate response is to jump in the tote and hide under a blanket. MoMoBella did not care for the friendly dog, even though I attempted to persuade her otherwise by being friendly back.

Eventually, we are able to get into a room and the vet sees us. Dr. Mathias pokes and prods around MoMo until she hits a tender spot in the belly. MoMo attempts to bite her in response to the prodding. I take this as a good sign that MoMo is feeling good, but am certainly worried about the tender spot.

I learn that older ferrets can develop tumors, and would I like to get an x-ray so we can hopefully eliminate any possibility of a tumor, or even intestinal blockage?

Yes yes. Please. At this point, I was having memories and flashbacks of my first ferret, Edgar, who had died of intestinal blockage. That was a week I never want repeated.

The vet takes MoMoBella away from me, who keeps looking over the vet's shoulder and wondering why I'm not going with her. I didn't know MoMoBella was capable of giving me that look, to be honest. I didn't realize until then that, even though she likes to act independent, she still very much depends on me for everything. I think she was a little worried.

After waiting what seemed like ages, I am brought MoMoBella back, who gives me many a kiss, and am asked if I want to see the x-rays.

Yes, of course.

"She wouldn't stop fidgeting," I am told, which I find is a huge relief. If she is feeling feisty, she has got to be mostly okay. "But we did get a picture of her finally."

Dr. Mathias points at where MoMoBella had been feeling tender. "All of this, right here," she says, encircling the intestinal area, "well. All of that is poop."

And suddenly, it clicks into place. I didn't let MoMoBella poop before she left.
She was irritated with me because I just grabbed her in her nap.
What is the first thing ferrets do when they wake up? They poop.

I am thinking about all of this while my vet tells me that she is concerned MoMoBella may be constipated and to feed her FerretLax twice a day for a week.

I thank the vet, pay for the expensive x-ray, and take MoMoBella home.
On the way, she shit all over the car and did not feel bad or embarrassed about it.
Obviously, I deserved it.

As for the vomiting, she hasn't done it since the first time. So its possible that the stress of moving and the excitement of the new place was just overwhelming for her that evening. She just couldn't contain her happiness, so she vomited all over her toys.

I guess that's sweet.

Everyone has been behaving normally and pooping normally, so our house is pretty critter happy.

Got on Squee AGAIN

2011-12-20T16:30:00.000-08:00

This time with our favorite little rat-babies (who are no longer babies, I might add, but super-stinky stinkers).

You can see the page here!

It's funny actually. I was just going through the Daily Squee like I do when I'm at Library work and I came upon this picture and I said to myself, "HEY. That's mine!"

And then I saw my name and said, "HEY! That's my name!"

And then I realized it really WAS mine and it really was my name. The End.

Citizenship

2011-12-13T07:22:00.000-08:00

I walk into the living room, the ferrets are about. I say,

"I now decree that all ferrets are citizens of this household. This means that you are like people, which means that you have a higher status than children (minors) because you can both VOTE and DRINK."

All the ferrets are looking at me while I declare this. Jack is halfway out of a box. We make eye contact and I ask him, "What say you?"

In response, he lowers his head to the floor and looks at me with apathy.

You know, if more ferrets used their voting rights and spoke out with their personal opinions, maybe things would be DIFFERENT in this country. Er. Household.

Daily Squee

2011-12-02T19:35:00.000-08:00

Rudyard and Jack made it on the Daily Squee homepage!
MoMoBella's paw is in the background if you look closely

Click on the link above to vote and see Squee comments!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Weasel Birthday Bash

2011-11-14T10:34:00.000-08:00

The party began at 4:00pm. Maggie and her six-year old, Sage, showed up and helped me make the ferret's their birthday "cake." The cake was basically Ferretvite, Yogie Treats, and chicken flavored Bandit treats. Yum!

Sage was really excited to meet the ferrets; it was her first time. I had a lot of fun watching her get excited over my kids.

MoMoBella got herself in trouble, as usual. She managed to climb up inside the umbrella-holder and get really dirty. Do you see all the brown on her head? That is dirtiness. That is not the coat color she chose for Wintertime this year.

I managed to rub it all off her head, but she's probably going to need a bath anyway. So bathtime awaits her near future!!

AND, of course, what is a weasel birthday bash without a little dress-up? We managed to get Rudyard in his Jock Shirt (Go Carpet Sharks!!), which won Sage's heart.

It is always exciting to get excited about clothes.

The time to sing "Happy Birthday" finally came.
We sang this:

Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday dear.... uh... FERRETS!
Happy Birthday to YOU!

Their presents were:

a sleeping bed from me,
a play cube and felt rope from Sage,
and a cat stick with sparkly stuff from our friends, the Warlicks.

The ferrets loved the cube and Jack fell madly in love with the cat stick, due to its sparkly nature and little bell.

Eventually, the kids got totally pooped from the days events. MoMoBella put herself to bed and Jack and Rudyard started acting tired. The boys protested greatly when we put them back, but eventually they realized they were sleepy too.

I got a great shot of Jack totally wiped out. He's just sleeping on his back. It's hilarious.

And Rudyard is staring at us with his sleepyful eyes. Sleep sleep sleep. MoMoBella put herself to bed in the Pirate Ship, which is what is hanging about Jack in the picture.

Time passed and Maggie and Sage went home after eating some yummy Human Food. Sage found out what Doritos were and I told Maggie I'd give her my recipe for the Flan. Nat and Eli showed up and brought some Chili Mac. YUM.

Rajni and Mark came just in time to the ferret's reawakening. We managed to get Jack in a pirate-shirt, previously belonging to MoMoBella but too big for MoMoBella. The shirt made him look really beefy.

He tried to get out of it, but was too tired and eventually gave up.

Sam helped him out and they cuddled for a bit in the Choo-Choo Train (which is actually the travel tote, but who wants to call it that?)

I finally got a picture with one of my babies; Rudyard and MoMoBella were being aloof at the moment.

You can see their critter cube in the back that Sage gave them. It's Rud's favorite toy right now. He loves climbing into things like that.

Rudyard and MoMoBella turned 4 years this month and Jack turned 2 years. Happy Birthday guys! You make my life complete!!

On Halloween

2011-11-02T19:41:00.000-07:00

How do these crazy-ass bitches wear all these skanky-ass clothes and not freeze their epidermal ass off?!

I swear to you, I was wearing pants UNDER my pants, with leg warmers UNDER my pants ON TOP OF my tall socks, but my knees were still knocking together. HOW THEY HELL DO THEY DO IT?

A Day Off

2011-10-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

Fantastic news, everyone! Today is one of the first days that I actually do not have work of any sort. By this I mean absolutely NO Local Jam serving and NO Public Library service. Not one or the other, nor any combination of.

This is fantastic!

I'm already quite excited about the things I'm going to do today. All of which are FOR MYSELF (a rarity, these days).

The very first thing, which I have already done, was to sleep in late.

I woke up around 10am. SCORE!

This is late because usually I wake up around 5:30 or 6am if working for the Jam OR I wake up at 7:30am for the library.

I almost did that thing where I make myself stay in bed, just for the principle of the thing. But I realized very quickly that if I get up when I feel like it, I'd be able to do all the other fun things I want to do today.

Second order of business, updating THIS bastard! I haven't touched my blog in so long, it makes me sad. And I really enjoy updating it and talking about how crazy I am. It makes me happy inside.

After this, I've got errands for the bank and house cleaning to do. I know what you're thinking. You are thinking, "Clara, errands are boring not fun. You are mixing up words again."

But let's think of it this way:
I can do my own fucking errands on my own fucking time! No rushing around, trying to squeeze in some of this crap before I go to work. MY time, MY errands.

And as for house cleaning? I have been so busy, I never have time to tidy up my house. It's a constant catastrophic clutter, and I can't take it any longer. Besides, I just bought a new dining room table (I did! For a mere $25!!) and I need to rearrange the living space in my house.

THIS IS EXCITING. I LOVE ORGANIZING.

And guess what? Guess what I get to do AFTER I organize my living space? After I have prepped my home for a new table, after I have scrubbed the damned kitchen clean, and after I have made sure that the coffee table can actually hold coffee again?

I get to work on Christina Warlick's halloween costume.

For you see, I got a dressform for my birthday. It is adjustable.

I just made myself an awesome "sci-fi" jacket, and now I get to make Christina's sexy Dorothy costume that is just her size.

I was worried at first that the dressform's interpretation of "small to medium" would not be terribly accurate, but it is in fact VERY accurate.

I measured up Christina and found out that she and the dressform were meant to be. It is destiny.

After I spent a happy amount of time working on this costume for Christina, my evening will be complete by going to bellydance practice.

I have missed bellydance practice the last two weeks in a row. It has made me very sad, but I had been so tired after my shifts at the Jam that I feel standing up and dancing up for one hour will destroy and eradicate the ability to use my legs.

If I don't dance, I realized, I get quite sad. I also miss my women-folk. It is very important for me to be with my women-folk. They are part of my family, after all.

Recently, Sulukule got some beautiful pictures taken by Aspasia Photography.

We were missing one very amazing member that day (curse you Kris for not being there!!) but the pictures were, nevertheless, phenomenal.

Mrs. Nettles, our photographer, is quite the gifted woman.

My favorite shot of us is actually one of our first pictures. We are walking down Chase Street Warehouses, just doing our thing. Natural as can be. The best pictures, I figure, are the natural ones. They are good representation of who we are as people.

And we are, quite naturally, totally badass.

Another fabulous picture of Christy and I being very natural:

We are prepping to break the door down with our swords. Our fabulous fabulous swords. Whilst in our fabulous costume. Yup. Totally badass.

Busy as a Bee

2011-09-28T03:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to tend to my blog as of late simply because of the second job I've picked up. It's been really hard to find time to do anything, especially for myself. I've let the house go to the critters and the critters are always behind on their cage cleanings. I'm grateful for the additional monies, though, because I can buy foods and things and pay my car insurance.

So that is what I have time for at the moment: this wee little update.

I was able to squeeze in a show last Friday called Burlesque Beta. It was at the Go Bar, close to Downtown, and I really enjoyed it. The crowds were thick but very supportive. For the most part. There was one heckler in the crowd who, I suspect, only wanted to see the burlesque stripteases. Or just women dancing in general, I suppose.

Anywho. He was an asshole.

Catch

2011-09-19T02:23:00.000-07:00

The day after my Grandpa's funeral, my cousin Dave and I played catch. It started to rain, but we kept playing. It was awesome and I'll never forget it. I couldn't help but feel how much my Grandpa would approve.

I can picture him watching and laughing, his eyes twinkling like stars.

Shock and Relief

2011-09-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

Now that it's all over, it's okay to laugh.

Earlier, Sam and I finished up a movie and I started rounding up the ferrets. I found Jack and Rudyard easy enough but had a really hard time finding Momo.

I looked in all her spots, under the bed mostly, but couldn't really find her. I knew she couldn't be in the bathroom or Sam's room or even in the kitchen. She hadn't even put herself to bed.

So where was she?

I think to myself, "Well, Momo likes to attack the vacuum cleaner," so I pull the vacuum cleaner into my room and am about to turn it on when Sam yelps in surprise.

No. She was not in the vacuum cleaner. That's just stupid.

She was, however, inside the rat cage.

My boys were huddled up in the top most corner, paralyzed in fear, and Momo was at the bottom of the cage next to the water bottle, looking very confused.

Naturally, I flipped the fuck out. Sam took her out and I soothed the rats. We ended up giving them a whole baby carrot each so they could nibble their nerves away.

Momo gave us kisses. I wasn't sure if I should scold her or what. So I ended up just putting her back in the ferret cage with Jack and Rudyard. She promptly fell asleep.

Everyone was fine. No injuries, nothing.

It was the weirdest thing. I'm still not really sure how she got in there. The doors to the rat cage were closed.

Poor Darcy. I think he was in the most of hysterics. But I didn't get bit this time, so everything is hunky-dorey.

A Healthy Scar

2011-08-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

After weeks of trying not to pick my scabs, but picking my scabs anyway, I have finally been able to pick my scab and have solid flesh beneath.

I have a healthy scar: one that is faint but memorable. If you look very closely (in person, I doubt it would convey in this image) you can see the little "x" my Darcy made with his wicked incisors.

Although our guests have left the homestead, I am still weary of my little Darcy's behavioral problem. Since the blood-drawing bite above, he has bitten me once again for smelling too much like "the enemy."

To me, this indicates that he seems to think he's in charge of me. Although I don't mind being manipulated by my cute furry friends in the least offensive respects, I will not allow anyone to think they are the alpha over me.

In this biological niche, I am alpha. I am boss. I am the caretaker and provider. Which means Darcy better watch himself.

You Will Find this Quite Explosive Teaser

2011-08-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

I'll be honest with you, this teaser strip has actually very little to do with the actual story I have written. The purpose of this little comic was basically for me to get a feel for a couple of characters and finally draw them out of my head.

These characters were originally created when I was in high school and they were extremely simplified versions of their 'rebooted' selves (quite literally a "U" face with lines as eyes). So it was important for me to be able to exercise their updated bodies.

Henceforth, the existence of this teaser strip. Or strip-tease. Whatever floats your boat.

He's A Persistant Fellow

2011-08-14T13:53:00.000-07:00

Sam and I had a nice walk-about in the Bot Gardens today. Not only did we see a couple of baby deer nibbling on tree bark, the real treat was a little spat between two squirrels. Unfortunately, we were not accompanied by a camera so you folks will have to use your imagination for this one.

I couldn't tell you the relationship between these two squirrels--if there was already something established, if it was a first date, I don't know. All I know there was a boy and a girl, and the boy was attempting to court the lady and the lady was not in the mood.

The real kicker is he didn't seem to know what to even do. He would approach her, she would yell and spit at him, he would back off and look nervously about, then try it again. The female didn't leave the branch she was on, and it wasn't as if she was doing anything important either. Just whenever the fellow came up to her, and he did persistently and from all angles, she would yell at him and hiss and squeak and make other squirrel-like noises until he backed off.

Sam and I laughed about the possibilities that could be playing behind this scene.
One possibility? He was a newly made man and he was trying to prove it, but didn't know how to go about it.

Another: he and his wife were having some sort of disagreement and he was trying to make up for it, but she wasn't quite ready to forgive him yet.

Another: The female was not publicly affectionate and wasn't interested in doing that sort of thing while people were watching,

A third squirrel came out at some point. He was hanging out on another tree. Sam and I figured he was the neighbor telling them to "keep it down or I'll call the police!"

Yup. That's how our brains work.

A Group of Rats is called a Mischief

2011-08-04T18:33:00.000-07:00

And here is what my bite looks like four days after the fact.

My knuckles are also back. I lost them for a couple of days, but there they are! All purpled and bruised up from being swollen.

Yeah, my body is great... the histamine reaction was spectacular. Plus, the antibiotics help.

So after this, it'll probably be a wrestling match with a coyote. Then I'll work my way up to lions.

An Update on the Hand that Slays Itself

2011-08-02T20:39:00.000-07:00

You can see that I have, indeed, stopped bleeding. This is two days after the incident. The wound is closed with clotted blood cells, both red and white. The puncture wound is quite deep and I had to get a tetanus shot! Mostly because I couldn't remember when I got my last one.

The hand on the left is the injured hand (you can tell because it is INJURED). I'm showing you a comparison of the swelling that has occurred in my mauled piece of flesh. The cleavage was just there and is not meant to be the center of the picture.

The Adventures of Petsitting

2011-07-31T17:52:00.000-07:00

These are my friend's, Jennifer, rats.
These boys are huge but very very sweet.

Darcy was feeling threatened by them. I let the big guys walk around my bed for about thirty minutes before putting them up. I then took my boys out and hung out with them for a bit. Darcy got on the floor and rushed over to where our guests were staying. There is a little window for the big guys to poke their heads out and check out the world. Darcy stuck his nose in there and started sniffing like nobody's business. There was some spitting and I could see Darcy was getting mad.

What were these guys doing in his house? This was HIS house. HE was alpha. No one else could be alpha!

I tried to dissipate the situation. My plan was to put Darcy back on the bed with the others so we could calm down and talk about it. But I smelled so strongly already of our guests, and he was so mad that they were in his room, that when I picked him up he hopped like mad onto my hand and tore my hand-flesh apart.

At first I thought he would bite and realize it was me, so I just let him tear at me. But I quickly realized that was not the case. He was tearing at me and digging into my hand. I let him down then tried to catch him with a towel.

I probably would have gotten him if I hadn't started gushing blood. I decided to leave the rat to his bad mood and go take care of the bleeding hand.

When I got to Sam's room, it was already swelling. I wasn't sure exactly what I needed, and I HAD to show Sam my hand, so I was being all dramatic in the bathroom. I ran it under some water. The joints in my fingers started feeling sore and then they started hurting. It was an unexpected pain, so I sat down on the floor. I was really surprised by how much my extremities were hurting.

Eventually the pain went down and Sam and I were laughing about the whole thing. We went back to my room and wrangled ourselves some rats.

Darcy behaved. I think I scared the shit out of him, poor baby and didn't realize it was me until I put him down. I let him sniff my wound and now he's moping in his cage.

Link was really upset by all the drama and hid inside the bed. It took a little while to find him and we had to coax him out. He was worried, poor little guy! We let him know everything was okay, though, before putting him back.

The picture doesn't exactly express how FUCKING SWOLLEN my hand is. It's also bruised everywhere. My hand is still bleeding, but just a little, because... well, yeah, blood is circulating in there. Funny how that works, isn't it?

(I'm about to put a compress on it, I just had to tell the world about my crazy times first)

Also, I'm pretty sure this motherfucker is going to scar. Which, I'll be honest, I look forward to retelling this story. So it's okay.

Game of the Day: Shimmy Up the Pantleg

2011-07-30T05:10:00.000-07:00

MoMoBella here!

I discovered a great game to play on your mom.

First you go up to her feet and sniff around, acting innocent and everything. Then you grab her leg with your paws and climb on up her pants!

It's great fun and everyone likes it. Rudyard and Jack were laughing so hard.

Love, Momo

Free Puppies!

2011-07-26T19:56:00.000-07:00

These puppies are ADORABLE. I feel like blowing up into smithereens due to their cuteness. Plus they need some super-duper loving for all that cuteness. They've got good and sweet temperaments and they want to come live with you.

Jack and Chuchundra

2011-07-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

Jack seems to have a fascination with Chuchundra's residence. He is always trying to climb her desk and see her. On occasion, I will pick him up and let him sniff Chuchundra through the her bars, but I always put him back down. I do this in hopes it satiates his curiousity, but in truth it simply makes it worse. Now, more than ever, he wants to be where Chuchundra is.

Well, since Jack is a gentle beast and does not bite for fun the way MoMo and Rudyard do, Sam and I decided to pick Jack up and open Chuchundra's cage door. We were not going to let them run about, but we were curious to see how they would fare with nose-to-nose contact.

Both Sam and I were surprised how fearless Chuchundra seemed against her natural predator. They sniffed each other for a bit, neither showing any aggression--simply interest.

Then, because Jack is Jack and loves his things, Jack tried to pick Chuchundra up (with his teeth of course). This caused an immediate separation, a stern scruffing on Jack's behalf, and lots of cooing on Chuchundra's (who, by the way, had definitely readied herself in a defensive posture and was not afraid to strike back at her predator).

In conclusion, even though Jack is sweet and does not bite for pleasure, he is possessive and wants to stash all pretty things. Chuchundra is certainly a pretty thing, and I'm sure if she was capable of thinking outside of her herding animal instincts, she would be very flattered.

Playing Rough

2011-07-19T05:23:00.000-07:00

Dearest Mommy,

It was really fun playing with you this morning. Jack and MoMo and I especially liked the part where you pounced us with the comforter and then you knocked the bed off of its legs. I hope to play like that more often in the future. After you set the bed right, of course.

Hope your wrist is feeling better!

Much Love,

Rudyard (and Jack and MoMoBella)

(Pictures by Melody Ransom)

Galactic Quest and the Tiki Zombie Luau

2011-07-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

My buddy Rebecca asked me earlier this week if I wanted to hula as a zombie, and I said sure! But I don't know how to hula. Youtube.com let me some basic movements I should know, though, and I was fully prepared to ham my way up into this awesome little party.

The hosts were the fan-tabulous Galactic Quest and they were celebrating the release of a new comic, Tiki Zombie. I got to meet everyone who worked on the comic which excited me beyond what I could express (I couldn't show my feelings towards the staff due to the fact that I was a mindless brainless abomination). I did my part though by harassing them diligently. I can only hope I brought the fear of the Zombie apocalypse to their brilliant consciousness. It is good to know I can do my part.

Not only did I acquire my own copy of the comic (a gift from Michael Gordon, the writer of this wonderful creation), I was also able to purchase a sketchbook from Peter Cutler, the artist of the group. His sketchbook was a mere $5 AND he would draw a sketch of whatever-you-wanted as you sat there watching him.

Well, I suppose you didn't have to; but by this point I was very good at it. I had been a zombie for about an hour and a half and even though some witch from beyond had granted me the wish to become a Real Human Girl, I was still of zombie mind-set. I'm sure Peter Cutler was not keen on the hovering, I know I wouldn't be, but I just couldn't help it. I tried to make myself get distracted and go socialize with other Human Beans such as myself. It was difficult.

I did learn a thing-or-two about Peter Cutler's drawing style. This is something I had never witnessed, and it is probably due to the fact that I am a backwards yokel who's never officially gone to art school, but Peter Cutler takes his magnificent micro-pens and PAINTS with them.

I kid you not.
Paints. With pens.
As in, treats them like a brush. Every stroke is a delicate descent down the page, a precise and rhythmic thought. It was quite beautiful. I learned that it pays to be creepy!

This is what I got:

Isn't it fabulous?

And its unique to me only. There is no other copy of it. Well, I guess except this one, because I took a picture of it on my webcam. But its not a really great picture, because the real one is the best. The End.

So, this whole experience ultimate gives me hope. Hope that one day, there will be another party and it will be all about ME and my comic book I'm releasing. Because I still hold tight to the dream that one day I will be published and people will want to buy my artwork too.

I Love Home

2011-07-02T04:44:00.000-07:00

I have missed everyone so much! Right now I am blissfully happy that I am here with all my ten critters. The ferrets are dooking, the rats are all clicking in content, and Chuchundra is singing her mad songs about carrots.

What more could I ask for?

Paris

2011-07-01T05:08:00.000-07:00

(Avec Marie-Anne et Etienne)
Our last stop was Paris with my aunt and uncle, Marie-Anne and Etienne.

We arrived to the city around noon and took the metro to her house. We met her as she was biking up to the entrance of her building (she had stepped out to buy bread). Marie-Anne greeted us with cheerful hugs. The hugs threw Sam and I off; we had gotten into the rhythm of leaning in and kissing the cheeks.

Tired and in need of a nap, we ambled into her flat and met Etienne. Marie-Anne insisted we eat lunch, but I was so exhausted the thought of lunch made me nearly want to cry. I mean, why eat when sleeping sounds like a precious Godsend? But the American Southerner within me put the need for sleep to the side and politely agreed that a lunch would indeed be wonderful.

Etienne was preparing steaks. Steaks! I love steaks. I was asked how did I like me steaks? Why, rare and bloody, of course and thank you.

When the steaks arrived, all I could eat was one bite. At that point I could not take it anymore. I was so tired, my stomach was in a knot and jumping. I would not be able to eat my beloved friend, the Rare and Bloody Steak. Ah well. I excused myself and went unconscious on the first thing I could collapse on.

Marie-Anne and Etienne speak English extremely well, so I did not feel guilty in the slightest leaving Sam to eat lunch with them. I think all they spoke of were sights that he must see while in Paris, one of which was the Eiffel Tower. Sam and I had already discussed previously that we did not care very much to see the Tower, or climb atop that Tower and see all of Paris (especially to pay for that climb!), but I am very certain that Sam listened anyway.

Marie-Anne is madly in love with her city, and so of course she was rightly excited that we were there--especially me, my first journey out of the country without any parental guidance! Woohoo!
When I awoke, Sam laid out a map of Paris and told me of all the places we were suggested to see. Then he showed me the places we had talked about wanting to see before starting our journey out into the big-wide world.

We like gardens and plants and things and not a far walk away from us there was the Jardins des Plantes (the Gardens of Plants). The garden was very important to the botany school and has a wide variety of plants covering three hectares of land. So off we went to the gardens.

We got lost. It is natural. Eventually we made it, even though we took a haphazard way of getting there. We weren't too worried. We knew where we were now, so we could get back without issue.

At the entrance of the garden, there was a statue of an elephant (I think... I can't remember) and a stegosaurus hiding in the bush. I liked the stego more and pushed the memory of whatever-the-other-guy-was out of my brain.

The garden rocked. It was super hot in Paris during our stay, about 90 degrees Fahrenheit, so Sam and I stuck to the shade as much as possible. We found some cool frogs hanging out in the poinds in the area and bunch of crows.

When we were good and tired, we started going home. Well, we got lost again. The road names were constantly changing and didn't make any sense to our brains. On top of that, it was the day of the Gay Pride Parade in Paris, and so there were people everywhere.

Some streets were blocked, and you'd think that would make things easier, not having to fight through the crazy traffic. But no. No, we stayed lost.

Needless to say, by the time we got home we were about to pass out and it was dinnertime. Also, dinnertime in France is closer to 8 o'clock than 6 o'clock, which I believe is standard American dinnertime. We ate, set up our bed for the evening, and then died.

The next day, we were determined to not get lost. The plan was to amble about in the direction of Notre Dame, then find the Luxembourg Gardens. Amble we did, and when we felt a little lost, all we had to do was look up. The cathedral was there, just a block or two away.

We passed some street vendors on our amble and were delighted by their inexpensive prices and their funtastic wares. We had a three posters for five Euros deal and got a couple of Parisen pin-ups and a cartoon of Josephine Baker.

We stopped at the Seine River and sat on a bench for a break, people watching and doodling the Notre Dame cathedral from where we sat. Well, I drew the Notre-Dame cathedral and Sam people-watched. When we felt well-rested, we got up and continued our walk towards the big ole church.

We were discussing how pretty the building's architect was when we suddenly stopped and stared at the longest line of people I'd ever seen outside of the airport. It snaked across the entire courtyard in front of the great cathedral. Sam and I walked the line in awe but did not join. There was no way in hell I was going to wait in a line that long to go inside of Notre Dame. I was perfectly capable of enjoying its outside splendor without having to be suffocated so I could see the inside.

This brought up the fun topic of conversation: what makes a national monument? Who says this is the thing that is better than everything else, when there are clearly just as beautiful things in other places?

Ahhhh, philosophizing. A great way to waste time.

So what happened after that? We mosied-on over to the Luxembourg Gardens. When we got there, we realized we were famished. We discussed going out, buying bread and cheese, and bringing it back to the Gardens. We walked until we found a boulangerie (a bakery store). We bought some bread and a beautiful slice of flan as dessert. Then we went in search for some sort of store that had cheese. We realized that we had no knife on our persons, so how would we cut cheese if we were to buy a huge chunk of it? We looked for something that could fix our problems, because France doesn't have American Singles, and we found a small little package that had individually wrapped cheese cubes.

I commented that I remembered the cheese specifically from our visit with Denis and Anne-Marie. Anne-Marie fed these to her cats as a treat. Sam said that it was probably them just feeding their cats with real cheese and it wasn't cat-cheese at all.

We discovered it was cream cheese in cube format, and yes you could certainly feed it to your cats if you wanted. And why not? I spend a bazillion dollars on my ferrets every year.

So we ate at the Luxembourg Gardens and it was awesome. We were originally going to sit in the grass, but a police-dude came by and shooed everyone off the grass. When he went away, everyone went back on the grass to continue with whatever they were doing before, but we decided to find an official sitting site.

We did, and we ate in front of a big fountain that I forgot to take a picture of. I fed the ducks in the fountain with bits of bread, to which they responded to by swarming towards me.

Afterwards we walked around. Someone had left the ends of a baguette in the park, so we fed those bits to the pigeons and sparrows and whatever else swarmed at us for the free meal.

We were done adventuring after that and made our way home, just in time for a nap before dinner.

The next day we went to the Army Museum, which had examples or arms and armaments dating all the way from the Bronze Age and some examples of Neolithic "weaponry."

It was pretty awesome. Seeing people's creative brains working to create the optimal weapon--whether it be for hunting, dueling, warring, or just showing off--was really incredible. Some folks throughout history came up with some crazy stuff.

I was very partial to the odd types of guns we saw. The above picture is one essentially of a grenade launcher, but not really a grenade launcher. I don't know if that makes sense. But we're talking about olden times here, and this being a product of it. Which, in my opinion, is incredibly impressive.

(By the way, the image looks weird because I had to take the picture in two parts to get the whole thing. It's not that it was huge, it's just that it was 10x more difficult to photograph anything in detail with the point-and-click camera, especially behind glass. Which was everything.)

I really liked this guy. I mean, holy shit, it's a freakin' gun-axe. How awesome is that? We also saw gun-swords, which were a whole different kind of awesome. We learned about the evolution from the matchlock to the flintlock and all those fun things in between. I also saw some neat guns that were all Steampunkery goodness. I wanted to take them home and play pretend with them.

It wasn't all just guns, or course, but we were in the Arms and Armament section of the Army museum.

Eventually we moved on to learn about the different French empires (there was of course a huge section on Napolean), and then moved on from there to learn about both World Wars from France's perspective.

I was disappointed there wasn't information on the French Foreign Legion anywhere. They had information on the Free French and the French underground (this was during Germany's occupation in France during WWII), which was really interesting.

I guess I was just hoping to see something of my grandfather somewhere. I don't know why I thought the French Foreign Legion would be in the Army museum.

All over the Army museum, there were cannons and things. So I made Sam pose with a lot of cannons and things so I could take pictures of him. It was quite fun and turned into a game in my head. I don't know if Sam thought it was a game or not, but it sure was a helluva fun thing.

This was outside of the World Wars section in the museum. If you look really close, Sam is kinda-sorta-definitely laughing inside.

And there was OF COURSE a big ass tank. What would an army museum even BE without a big ass tank?

Sam could tell you what kind it is. I'm sorry, I just don't know.

We saw A LOT of girls doing sexy pin-up poses with the cannons. I couldn't tell if it was something everyone did or if it was Nationality specific (outside the World Wars section there were so many frickin' Americans it was almost like we weren't in France anymore).

This is Sam's sexy pin-up pose with a cannon. You can tell he's being sexy because, you know, he's there. So duh.

And you can tell I was being artsy with the point-and-click because I'm using a model and a long cannon.

Yeppers. We are officially artistic professionals.

And this is the other sexy photo of Sam with a cannon.

We saw a kid ask her mom to take a picture of her sticking her head in the barrel of the cannon, but her head didn't fit. So she just rested it on the lips and smiled for her photo shoot.

It was a good idea though.

We went home thinking that the next day was the day of our plane flight home, but quickly found out that we still had an extra day in Paris.

We didn't know what to do. We were very tired and were not up to another day of sight-seeing. So instead of sight-seeing, we went into one of the shopping quarters and perused the thrift stores (a friperie) and a junk shop. We found some neat stuff and Sam bought me some awesome clothes that would make good bellydance cover-ups.

We got back home, pleased with our finds, and began to pack up. My cousins, Adrienne and Chloe, wanted to go out on a walk with their friends and asked if we wanted to join. Sam was tired, but I agreed to go out with them.

We stepped outside and out of nowhere, the sky opened up and poured down cold rain upon our heads. Everyone rushed for cover under the nearest cafe. Just as quickly as it had started, the rain stopped. We walked out to a garden that had some fountains. It was so hot that everyone was playing in the fountains. I asked Chloe if it was sanitary to play in the fountain like that? She said no, not anymore, because people were in it.

I was thinking more around the terms of how many people pee in the fountain, but whatever. Adrienne and her friends stuck their feet in the fountain and I found a public drinking station to dunk my head under (it was a faucet).

We went home. The girls left to go and fulfill their social obligations and Sam and I hung out for a wee bit, just chillaxing. Dinnertime came around, we ate, and then Sam and I decided to go out on the town for our last evening stroll in Paris.

Well, it rained.

But we said, fuck it! We're going out anyway. We found a tiny piece of green next to the Seine to get rained on and watched the lightening storm. We didn't have a very good view of the lightening storm, but it was okay. The sky was pink and encircling Notre Dame at our viewpoint.

Eventually it got too cold and I had forgotten my jacket anyway, so we walked back home in the not-quite-pouring rain, both tired and ready to go home but definitely not unhappy.

Avec Denis et Anne-Marie

2011-06-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

We came to Belfort in the evening. My uncle, Denis, was waiting for us at the station with a sign saying “Clara et Samuel.” I'm glad he had it; I was worried I wouldn't remember what he looked like and I'm sure he thought like-wise. Afterall, it had been twelve or thirteen years since I last arrived into France during Grand-mere and Grand-pere's 80^th birthday party. Not only had I been younger and barely begun my journey into puberty, I had also been dweebish with thick lenses and long blonde hair. Now I am a young lady, still dweebish, but with short blonde hair and contacts.

We embraced upon meeting, found Denis's car, and went to our new temporary home. I met Anne-Marie and our first activity of our stay was strolling through her garden.

I wish I had taken pictures of her garden. I think by this point and time, Sam and I were exhausted from being tourists. We had hammered all of our touristic desires into the last couple of visits. Needless to say, the camera did not come out of our pockets very often on this trip.

Anne-Marie's garden is intricate and well-organized. She has vegetables, fruits, and adorning flowers. She has pathways, arches laced in vine work, a terrace, and a white picket fence. You can tell upon looking at it that it is meticulously cared for, constantly fussed over, and fiercely controlled.

I was in awe at the tidiness of such a garden. I knew instantly this was something I could never do, did not even want to try to do, because it required an intense amount of patience and time.

Denis and Anne-Marie have two cats. One was black with long shaggy fur, the other is grey and looks like the original “I Can Haz Cheezeburger?” cat. Both were absolutely terrified of me. On our last evening, I got the black shaggy cat to touch my hand with her nose, but she quickly retreated and ran away. I have that effect on some critters.

Anne-Marie is an excellent cook. I imagine she cooks the way she gardens: meticulously, with constant observation, and step-by-step control of the process. The results of every meal were beautiful and precise, like what you would order at a gourmand restaurant.

Sam and I quickly scarfed down our first meal, which must have been a shock to both Denis and Anne-Marie. I will be honest, we were starving. The train ride from Paris to Belfort was four hours long and our sandwiches that Marie-Mathilde had so kindly made us were not enough to last the entire trip.

Our room was the upstairs attic-office, with a closeable door over the staircase leading. It was very nice and private when we wanted it to be; open and social if we felt loquacious. Neither of us are terribly loquacious, but we kept it open most of the time except for at night because of the hallway light.

Denis and Anne-Marie speak almost no English. Language-wise, this was the most trying part of our journey. Of course Denis would try, but whenever I couldn't find a word in French or he in English, we defaulted to the dictionary. There was a lot of word searching.

Eventually, we got the hang of it and it was pretty funny to stop in the middle of a sentence and find a word in the dictionary. Sometimes it was a simple word, sometimes it wasn't. At one time, I couldn't remember the French word for silly. So I picked up the English-French dictionary and perused until I came across the word silly. Well, the French word for silly is idiot, pronounced “Eh-Dee-Oh.”

I will brag, however, that my ability to hear French spoken to me and understand it was far better than being able to come up with words of conversation. So I was an excellent translator. Whenever Denis told me a funny story, I was able to turn to Sam and tell him the same funny story with the same amount of pause and gusto. Sam would laugh at the end of the funny story, which made Denis very happy because he thought it was equally as hilarious.

Our first full day with Denis and Anne-Marie, we went to Alsace, specifically a little village called the “Eco Museum.” The village was comprised of different houses taken from different regions in the Alsace and rebuilt to represent Alsace as a whole. All of the houses were old and therefore represented life from an older era, without flushable anythings, old and scary barber shops, and ancient animal-care techniques.

Of course I wanted to meet all the critters. I was terribly disappointed by their living quarters, however. I told Sam quietly that I knew this is how the critters were housed and roped up in the olden days, but we knew better now that it wasn't good for their happiness. Sam agreed, but also pointed out that these guys were probably way better off than critters being prepped for the slaughterhouse. Which is true; living conditions for those guys suck.

I got licked by a goat, snuffled by a pig, and ignored by a cow. I met a horse that was pulling a cart (I learned her name was “Henriette” because the person in charge of the horse kept telling her to stay and not run off), and a family of sheep that still had their tails. One of them let me scratch her scalp and enjoyed my company.

There were screaming groups of school children everywhere, of course. It seems that you just can't get away from those types of things.

Sam and I met a haughty peacock that didn't want anything to do with us, so she flew up a tree. We also encountered a turkey who felt the need to show off his dominance. I like all critters, but I am going to admit right here and now that turkeys have the nastiest heads in the world. It looks like their brains are on the outside.

I turned to Sam and said, “God wasn't very nice when he made these guys,” and Sam said, “God didn't make them; he let them make themselves and they weren't very good at it.”

So the problem with turkeys is that they aren't very creative, you see. Now you know. You can still love them, if you already did. Just know that they won't be the best type of artists when they grow up.

(This photo needs explanation: there was a large wheel at the top of a rampart that explained the different types of jobs you could have in the village. But the creators of this Eco Museum wanted it to be fun and educational, so they made the job explanations into a spinning wheel with cartoons and bright colors. It worked, because we played with it.)

After the Alsace village, we went back to Belfort and rested for the rest of the evening. I told you that Sam and I had been quite exhausted from being tourists, so we didn't really wish to go anywhere or do anything. So we just relaxed. We walked about outside, found lots of snails (finally! I had been looking for some all trip), and did virtually nothing. It was awesome.

The next day, we hiked up a mountain. Sometimes the hike got pretty intense, sometimes it was easy-going. Sam and I were on the lookout for some walking sticks, but none seemed to do the job quite right. They snapped under pressure. Denis and Anne-Marie had hiking sticks specifically crafted for hiking. I was envious, but I survived.

At the top of the mountain, there were several restaurants and lodges. We ate at a restaurant that was filled with German motorcyclists. After that, we walked through a vast field with the entire territory of Belfort on one side and part of Alsace on the other side. If we peered far enough in the distance, through the clouds, we could see the Swiss Alps. But it had to be clear enough.

I found a really pretty flower. It grew up and its stem was thick and hollow. It took some work, but Sam was able to yank it out of the ground for me. Happily, I skipped with it until Denis saw it and told me it was prohibited to pick that particular flower. Embarrassed, I put it on the ground and stepped away from it, deciding that even though it was too late with the picking part, that didn't mean I wanted to get caught and fined for it.

Denis thought it was hilarious.

After our hike, we went back to the house to rest for an hour or so. Then Sam and I wanted to go into the city of Belfort and try out some shopping.

I think when most people think shopping, they think about malls and outlets and stores with lots of sales. When I said I wanted to go shopping, I was thinking more like going to the baker's place and checking out their croissants, or looking at their knitting stores and touching all the yarn. Maybe even looking at the souvenir shops to see what kind of stuff the locals pride themselves in.

We ended up going to this long pedestrian street filled with shops and crazy people. I hated almost all the stores I saw, except for place that had a sign for “Magic the Gathering” and a book store.

After that, Denis played tourguide and showed us the city of Belfort. There was a big lion sculpted on the ramparts (there is a lot of cool history in this town) that is made by the same guy who made the Statue of Liberty for us.

Something else fun mentioning with our time at Denis and Anne-Marie's:

On our first morning, we were having breakfast in the breakfast room. There is a window that looks out at the school across the yard. A strange old woman kept picking through all the flowers in the front of the gates, looking around her to see if anyone was watching. After picking through a potted plant or two, she would scamper off and disappear, only to come back and do the same to some others. We don't know what she was doing. It was pretty sketch-tastic.

Also, this isn't fun, but it opens a good place for me to bitch about young couples:

No one will ever find it cute or adorable that you take up four seats on a train, including ones assigned to others, just so you can lay out next to each other under a blanket and be snuggly. No one. And if you think that someone will, then that someone may have a perversion which you are encouraging.

Please do not make-out on a train, play-fight on a train, make googly noises at each other on the train, or anything else slightly related. You make everyone near you uncomfortable and angry at your stupidity. The toddler pressing his face up to the window and drooling on it is way cuter than you two. So cut it out.

Also, dammit woman! Keep your tits in your shirt, it doesn't help the situation.

Nuff said.

ZooParc de Beauval

2011-06-23T07:33:00.000-07:00

(This deserves an entire post dedicated to itself. It was such a fantastic adventure.)

The next day was the best day so far. Sam and I went to the Zoological Park de Beauval. It is so far one of the best zoos I have ever been too. The animals are all so happy and constantly having babies. We got there at about 10am and didn't leave until 7pm that evening. Our bodies were hurting, but it was worth it.

Of course there were critters we had seen before, but still just as happy to see them again; especially in France!

We got to see a spectacle show with birds of prey followed by a show with sea lions. The birds were interesting.

It started with smaller birds of prey and gradually worked up to larger birds of prey. The birds would fly over from one trained person to another by a subtle flick of the hand. The birds would swoop low into the audience, not close enough to touch but close enough to make the audience scream and cry in terror and joy.

Some birds were having a rough day and didn't want to participate in the swooping, so occasionally they would ignore their handlers and just wait until they were good and ready. The handlers were not irked in the slightest by this, which I really liked. It seemed that the general consensus was, “I won't make you do this show, but I sure would like it if you did.”

There was one bird that really wanted to stretch his wings, so he flew around the “arena” in circles, landing whenever he felt like it. The handlers didn't mind! They tried a couple times to get him to come back, but they weren't panicked by it in the slightest. It was like everyone understood that this is just sometimes what happens. And that is that.

The same things sometimes occurred with the sea lions. A couple were supposed to jump through a hoop, and they just didn't. Either they missed or didn't feel like jumping through the hoop, but the handlers loved on them anyway and thanked them for trying.

I've never seen a spectacle show before, but I always assumed they were terrible things where the critters are manipulated by use of fear. This was not the case.

Sam and I enjoyed many of the critters there. Sam saw a capybara for the first time in the flesh, not just through the interwebs, as well as the ever-funny looking mara. I got to see an American bald eagle. We both saw, for the first time, what a hyena looked like in person (a big big BIG dog!) as well as what happened when you put an entire crochety group of hyenas in a small cage together because their much-larger enclosure was being worked on. I am not squeamish when it comes to blood, but I was quite horrified by the amount I saw. I was terribly concerned for the hyena that was being beaten and bitten, but all blood and gore was coming from his shoulders and not any vital part of the body. I assume it was some family dispute—the same kind that occurs when you go on a road trip, and its been five hours on the road, and all you want is that your brother should stop messing with you, and so you snap and all hell breaks loose.

I loved seeing the meerkats, although they made me miss my babies terribly. There was a little gap I found where they were able to stick their very long claws through and scrape the same way the ferrets will fruitlessly claw at a closed door. I touched one of their long nails and wanted to wiggle my finger in further to touch their noses. But I had to remind myself that their teeth were probably much sharper than MoMo's, and I had to remind myself that I did not actually enjoy it when MoMo or Rudyard bit me—it was just something they did.

The porcupines were also fantastic. They were snuffling around, acting like bunnies or pigs with enormously quilled armor. The ledge for their area was not terribly high and I was able to sit on it and lean in some. I really wanted to reach in a grab a quill they had shed but knew better. I'm not THAT crazy, although this trip is sure making me sound like a nutter.

The park was also filled up with ducks. Everywhere there were ducks ducks ducks. Sometimes we were followed.

We visited the Great Apes.

The silverback gorilla was irritated with everyone.

The alpha chimp was feeling like a no-nonsense fellow.

But the alpha orangutan was very interested in Sam's backpack. I was trying to get a picture of him resting but couldn't with the current lens, so Sam and I sat down infront of the glass to switch out the lens. Papa Orangutan gets up suddenly (slowly, but still suddenly and with interest) and heads over our way. He plants himself in front of us, directly on the other side of the glass and presses his face against the glass. We see him of course and continue switching out the lenses, but very slowly. He watches us with intense interest. Once we are done with Sam's bookbag, Papa Orangutan stands up, collects some hay, and makes himself a pillow-bed in the corner.

We stayed with the orangutans for a while. There was a new baby who was learning all the things babies learn when they are growing up. Eventually, we even got to see Momma Orangutan put Baby to bed. It was awesome.

One of the last things we went to was the Nursery (for birds). Sam coaxed a bird to jump on his hand (I say coaxed, but really the bird just hopped onto Sam's hand without dispute and shimmied on up his arm to his shoulder). After that, we all got to try out the bird. It was very well behaved, better than most pet-store birds I have met.

When we were done walking about the zoo and revisiting all of our favorites, we ran into the Zoo's Boutique. I hunted high and low for any merchandise resembling a capybara or mara, but alas. The zoo's boutique was mostly Animal Cracker Animals—lions, tigers, elephants, zebras. There were some sea lions and parrots, and even a few tapirs. But no capybara. I contemplated purchasing a meerkat but decided the one item they had that was a meerkat was too ugly. Plus it was a figurine. I was looking for something more like a plushie, something that could hang out with my stuffed otter, my ferret puppet, and my black footed ferret.

When we got home I was ready to fall asleep and never wake up.

For Your Supreme Enjoyment, Here Are Some Animal Pictures:

An agouti, eating a coconut.

Gorilla Mommy with her baby

And the ever-grumpy gorilla daddy

Capybara feeding time

Lemur, looking for some noms

Red lemur who's favorite past-time is sun bathing

Mara, a type of Cavy and relative of the Capybara

Rocking Penguins

Resting porcupine

The grande brown bear, something foreign to these parts of the world

White tiger mom

Sea lion resting after its vigorous show

Manatee coming up for air; another creature incredibly foreign to this part of the world

The 'Roo Family

The meerkats made me mega-happy

OLIPHANTS!

Chimpanzees

Orangutans

Pygmy Marmoset

This guys followed us around a lot, begging for food. We didn't give him any, but we sure appreciated the company.

Marie-Mathilde et Francois

2011-06-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I was wrapping up our week with Charles and Babeth. A whole new set of adventures has since occurred, but due to my obsessive-compulsive behavior, I feel the need to be chronological.

Our last full day with Charles and Babeth, Charles took Sam and I out to the ocean where we got to see Fort Bloqué.

Then we went to a perfect storybook town called Pont Aven, a small village where Gaughin the artist lived and drew a lot of inspiration from. I wanted to hang out more in Pont Aven; we stayed at a biscuiterie for a bit and tried some delicious cookies and they had some pretty postcards that I wanted to purchase.

But we had to go see Concarneau; Concarneau had a village within a city. The village is walled up and in the center of the bay (harbor?) and older than the rest of the city.

We walked along the walls and had un cafe in one of the shops. Everything was closing up though, so we didn't dilly-dally in the shopping/tourism area.

That evening, Charles and Babeth took us to a Creperié that was amazing. I don't even remember what I ate, but there was some cider of Bretagne (Brittany) that we tried and it was the best cider I have ever had. IN MY LIFE.

The next day was a travel day.

Marie-Mathilde and Francois picked us up from the train station and immediately took us to see a chateau. It was the city of Amboise and the Chateau Amboise. It was, as far as I could remember, the first castle I've really seen and walked about in. The grounds were expansive, but I was disappointed at the at the amount of interior that was blocked off. Later I found out that more than two-thirds of the chateau was actually missing. While I think of it, the part that we DID see was already large on its own, so it must have been quite an impressive thing in its day.

Leonardo da Vinci was everywhere. I saw his grave and a large bust in the oudoor court of the Amboise castle. I found out that he helped create the chateau—was one of the main architects—and he also resided in Amboise. I wanted to see his house, but it was closing for the day. I was able to run around in his front yard for a short period and knock on his very large front doors, however, which I found quite thrilling. I wonder if this is how crazy people react when they see their favorite celebrities? I did very much want to trespass, but I refrained. So I guess I'm not as bad as those crazy people.

Speaking of crazy people, we met a troglodyte! There were many old old houses built into rock in Amboise, and there was one guy who let us in and walked us around his house. He explained how houses in rock worked, how they were able to naturally heat and cool and etc.

I thought he was going to take us all upstairs and kill us and then eat us. But no, he was just a very strange and eccentric man. He had all sorts of models in his house, and he collected business cards from people who visited him (like how we visited, not like how family comes over and stays for a certain period of time). He also collected “people,” and by that I mean he had an entire journal of individuals who had written who they were and where they were from, thanking him for showing them his house. When he found out I was from Georgia USA, he got very excited and wanted me to sign his book. I was a little wary at first. But when I found out he wasn't going to kill all of us and eat us I decided to thank him for allowing us to visit his nifty home and said I was from Atlanta, GA (because out of the country, that's the only city folks know from Georgia, if they even know that Georgia is a state of the US).

We went to our new temporary home, which I have always had fond memories of. Marie-Mathilde and Francois live out in the country in a commune, Chambon sur Cisse (Cisse is the river that the town is on). They had a lodging that Sam and I got to stay in separate from the main house. The lodge had its own bathroom and mini kitchen area. We didn't use the mini-kitchen area, but we were very grateful for our own bathroom and our own bedroom. We had just been telling each other on the train ride over that, even though one is grateful for everything our hosts do, sometimes it is hard to constantly be “on guest mode.” So when Sam and I retired for the night, we weren't tidy with our items and didn't fold up our clothes nicely and spread out all of our things like we were at home. It was very nice.

The next day, we visited the Chateau Blois. This castle is very interesting and his three different eras of architecture standing as a whole. It's too much to explain here, so you should go do your own research, but I liked the castle a lot.

Over the years, different sorts of people and kings stayed there, so there were a many different crests present: the salamander (Francois I), the porcupine (Louis XII), and the ermine (duchess of... something or other).

Naturally, I was quite excited, seeing my favorite type of animal on the walls of Blois. Sam and I excitedly pointed out the white mustelid where ever we saw it. When we got to the Boutique (gift shop) at the end of our tour, Sam found an ermine pendent and a porcupine pendent and bought them for me. I've been wearing my ermine pendent every day since.

Other things happened that day, I'm sure. But I can't remember very much.

After that, we spent an entire day at the Zoo. It was so awesome and is in a separate post because so much happened in it.

The next day was very easy going. Sam and I went grocery shopping with Marie-Mathilde, then visited the Chateau de Chambard, a castle built specifically as an enormous hunting lodge. It was very large and very beautiful.

Also, apparently, 21 June is Music Day in France, and so there were tons of musicians and wires wrung up everywhere on the castle grounds. Also, there was an art show going on in the second floor of the castle. It was all modern art and we were a little upset to see it hanging out with the entire collection of antlers that had been caught by kings past.

Plus modern art is weird.

SO THERE.

After that, we retired early and I slept a lot. I was feeling pretty homesick by then and not ready to pick up my suitcase and move on to the next house. Sam and I drank some interesting tea that gave us vivid dreams. I think the sleeping was very helpful, the dreams were just weird.

Avec Charles et Babeth

2011-06-17T01:45:00.000-07:00

Where did I leave off?
Oh yes, we were grumpy. Well a lot has changed since, because we are no longer grumpy. I do want to point out that I did enjoy my time in Houilles, I just did not enjoy all the work we had to do at the start of the trip.

Since my last post, I told you we had just gotten our Youth Passes. We had a delicious dinner that night. I think it was the one with the round pasta and the olives and the smoked salmon. Holy-crap-in-a-hat, it was good. The next day, Sam and I acquired a mobile device (finally) and got to experience and INSANE to the MEMBRANE open-market. It was the craziest thing I had ever seen, and I've been to the French Open Market before. I just don't ever remember it being so insane. So we ran out of there like scared little lambies.

Before hopping onto the train to our next destination, I gave Beatrice three drawings--a picture of her cat, a picture of a turtle, and a quick sketch of a hedgehog (which is called un arrisson in French!) which made its way into existence due to a conversation the previous day with Genevieve-Marie.

So eventually, Sam and I took the metro to Paris, then took the metro to Montparnasse which took us to the train station. We boarded our train from there and were off to Brittany!

We were both tired, but very pleased at our successful and painless transfer onto the train. We had been having such bad luck in regards to transportation, we were worried.

The train ride was a breezy three hours long. We landed in a town called Lorient, picked up by my cousin's girlfriend Babeth, and driven all the way outside of Quimperle, which is a cute and adorable little place 30 minutes from Lorient.

Sam got to have his first beer since being in France and you could tell how happy he was. We chatted with my cousin, Charles (who knows very little English), and with Babeth (who learned English at the University). It was fun and interesting and sometimes even a challenge. When none of us could come up with the correct words in either language, we resorted to making sounds and pantomiming. I discovered making good animal sounds runs in the family. So does forgetfulness.

Yesterday, Sam and I got to be real tourists for the first time on this trip. We went to the little town in Quimperle and hung out for a few hours, then grabbed the train to Quimper, a larger town 30 minutes away with an enormous and beautiful Gothic cathedral.

These pictures are from Quimperle:

I found a really cute shop here that had knitting and crochet stuff, and all other sorts of things for needlework.

It was adorable and I looked through a lot of knitting books and touched a lot of yarn, which was probably not the right thing to do since the French merchants are quite protective of their products.

But I just told myself I was eccentric and that was why it was okay.

It was insanely scenic. We really liked it.

There was also an old abbey here, from before William the Conqueror showed up in 1066 (HOLY SHIT!) and united France all under one thing-a-ma-bob.

We went inside and it was pretty sweet. They had some postcards for 0,50 Euro and some candles you could light for 1 Euro (all monies went to the upkeep of the abbey, and it was definitely all based on the honor system).

So here is the city of Quimper.

It was also quite beautiful. We walked along the river down to the harbor. We checked out an awesome garden and also went into the AMAZING cathedral that was in town.

We also discovered that the youth population in France is very into the punk style, but in the way that they purchase expensive outfits already together without having to hunt them down at the thrift stores and alter them. Funnily enough, Sam and I were checking out our respective genders without even knowing we were doing the same thing.

A kind lady took a picture for us (we didn't even ask her, she just suggested!) in front of these gorgeous gates at the cathedral.

Here is part of the cathedral. It was too large to get in one shot, so this is a teaser for you. The stained glass windows inside were beautiful, but on the outside they had wire mesh lining the entire them. It was to stop the assholes from throwing rocks through the windows. It is a good precaution, but man-oh-man did I hate those assholes right then and there.

Sam and I also had good laughs at the advertising we saw. I especially like the Orangina ones and took a picture.

There was also an advertisement for men's cologne. I found it slightly disturbing and funny, but mostly gross. I like the deer in lingerie with the old man checking out her tits MUCH better.

Here is a picture of Charles, my cousin, and his girlfriend, Babeth. I caught them off-guard here.

Charles is a surveyor and Babeth works at a shoe store. They are both very fun and enthusiastic. Charles is especially enthusiastic about sight-seeing Brittany. He describes everything as beautiful, and its cool seeing how much he loves where he lives.

Sam and I were supposed to hike to Devil's Rock today, a nice rocky area a little ways from Charles and Babeth's house, but we woke up this morning to the pitter-patter of rain. When Charles returns from work, we are supposed to go see the ocean. Sam and I have agreed that we don't care if its raining or not, we're going to see it, Goddammit!

Oh and this is one of Charles and Babeth's kitties, Willow. The other one is Stitch, but I couldn't get a picture of her. Sam got some good ones with his fancy camera though, so it was okay.

Avec Beatrice

2011-06-14T14:23:00.000-07:00

It has been an eventful past few days.

On our way into the airport, Sam and I got frisked by security. I don't know why, exactly, but we were "randomly chosen" to be frisked. The two of us. Together. Yes, I know. Quite random. The padded up and down our legs and thighs and apparently the dude frisking Sam kept telling him to look at the people going through his stuff (because in front of us were people rifling through our backpacks). We complied, of course, but it just felt over-the-top and unnecessary.

When we got to our waiting area, we were still very excited, energetic, and full of hope for our trip.

The plane ride was a wee bit rough; I don't ever remember it being such an uncomfortable ordeal. But I was smaller last time I rode the plane and therefore able to sleep easier in the seats. Well, take off made me feel gross and my ears NEVER popped... of course, later I found out that I was also stuffy and full of mucous, so in retrospect that is probably why. But seriously, I had trouble hearing things.

Sam and I tried to watch one of the inflight movies. The one where Johnny Depp is an iguana or a chameleon or something, and he suddenly becomes sheriff. I didn't know what was going on because I couldn't hear anything through my headset, so I quickly gave up on it.

In flight dinner was delicious, but I felt too gross to eat all of its deliciousness. This was probably due to the fact that I was full of mucous. Sam got some red wine to accompany his wondiferlous chicken curry.

Additionally, a woman fainted infront of us on the plane. It was a little scary.

Well, eventually the long flight ended and we got off at Heathrow in London to switch planes. But guess what! The bus that took us from the plane to the port brought us ONE MINUTE late. Because we were ONE MINUTE late (and not for the actual take-off, mind you. Late for the appropriate time to board, which was thirty minutes earlier than take-off), Sam and I missed our flight.

Fortunately, we were booked for another plane without an issue and given 20 pounds for food. By the way, British folk are incredibly nice. Every single one of them we talked to was so helpful.

Unfortunately (besides missing the flight being unfortunate) we had to wait five hours until the next plane that went to Orly in Paris. I was quite miserable and feeling worse. I had a headache and already went through so many tissues, my nose was starting to turn red.

And, as you can see, we are not as perky as had been oh-say, 13 hours before? I know I was starting to go crazy. You can tell. I've got the crazies in my eyes.

We ate a place in the Heathrow airport called EAT. I got a delicious sandwich and the cashier woman was really really helpful. I was tired and out of it, and almost on the verge of tears. I'm sure she could probably tell. She helped me out, got me a fruit salad and an apple and all these other things. It was a lot of food for 10 pounds.

Eventually, we made it to France and received a warm welcome from Beatrice and one of her daughters, Genevieve-Marie. It was wonderful seeing them and Beatrice gave me an enormous hug. When we got to their house, they fed us and Sam and I went to sleep.

Around some crazy hour in the night, I woke up full of snot and spent the rest of my evening sneezing and blowing my nose until the skin under it was red. At around 9am, Beatrice gave me some medicine and I finally slept.

The next day started late. Sam and I woke up slowly. I got to steal his nasal spray for my own using. After that, we ate lunch and then went through Paris (my uncle Laurant drove us) to see where Grand-pere stayed.

It was hard, seeing his room. All of his pictures of family and such. And there were pictures of me too, and pictures I drew for him. I cried a little at first, but after some tea I helped pack up some of his things. Sam helped too. He also took this pictures from outside on the roof:

After that, I felt really sick on the metro. That is when Beatrice told me I was like my mom and did not travel well. I thought," Oh. That is good, I guess." I slept until dinner time when we got back. Dinner was good. I didn't eat a lot at first, but finished up some more later.

Beatrice and her family live in the city of Houilles, so all day today was Houilles-Day. Sam and I got to walk around. We looked for a place to buy a pre-paid phone but couldn't find anything. It was a nice walk regardless.

Afterwards, Beatrice took us to the train station so we could reserve tickets with our Eurorail pass. Well, looks like transportation luck is not with us. Apparently, in France, you have to book your seats 2-3 months in advance! And there was absolutely nothing for us. So Sam and I had to end up purchasing new tickets all over again. It was crazy!

We purchased a Youth Pass so everything would be cheaper too, and had to get these pictures taken. It was our souvenir of France.

This is us quite unhappy.
We were quite unhappy, you see.

Beatrice told us later that France is too complicated with the train system and that French people are crazy. I appreciated her sympathies.

Oh, and this is their kitty. Except it is not their kitty, its their neighbor's kitty. But this kitty doesn't like their neighbor anymore and lives with them and eats with them (Beatrice and her family, not the neighbor).

This is Beatrice's family. We leave tomorrow on a train to Brittany!

A True Story

2011-06-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

Once there was a lad named Jack. Jack adored his ma and took good care of her.

One day, his ma was attacked by a seal. The seal stood on her head and she cried, "Jack me boy! Help me! Helllllp me!"

The seal had taken her atop a mountain. Jack was not a smart boy, but he was a dedicated one. So he found a way up the mountain and took the seal off his ma's head.

"Oh Jackie-lad! You saved me!" his ma cried. But Jack wasn't done yet. He took that monster seal down the mountain and put it in the deepest cracks of the earth.

It remains there to this day. Jack is as happy as a clam, and his mother is safe too.

The blasted seal, staring out from the hells of earth.

When Jack took the devil from his ma and cast it into hell.

To Audrey

2011-06-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

A personal message to my dearest sister:

I would like to note also that I ADORE my sister and I am simply teasing her viciously.

The Rat-Tet

2011-06-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

Baby Bingley is being barbered;

Darcy is the doing this dastardly deed.

Link loves lots but lacks lift.

All whilst Goku ganders, goggling and oggling goofily.

Jack's New Sleep Spot

2011-06-01T09:19:00.000-07:00

Nuff said.

New Wallet

2011-05-29T18:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a new wallet in years! I knew it was time to get one, especially since I needed to fit my passport into it!

Taadaa!

MoMo and Jack were really into it too. They almost stole it!

Sweaters!

2011-05-29T14:24:00.001-07:00

see more Daily Squee

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

I wonder how long they kept those on.

Letters to Children

2011-05-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Jack,

When the vacuum cleaner is on, its okay to stay away from it.

But I do want you to know that it is not a monster and it will not eat you.

I will never ever let the vacuum cleaner eat you up because I love you so much.

Love,
Mom

Dear Mom,

Okay.

Love,
Jack

Dear MoMo,

Do not stick your head in the vacuum cleaner. For God's sake, what do you think will happen? It will eat you, that's what will happen.

I'm telling you this because I love you and I don't want the vicious vacuum monster to come and devour your soul. Seriously.

If you are hungry, there is some fresh kibble in the bowl under the Ferretopia building next to the couch.

Love you,
Mom

Dear Mom,

You're not my real Mom! My real mom would let me stick my head in monsters all I wanted! Don't tell me what to do!

Also, thanks for the snacks. They are delicious.

Love,
MoMobella

Dear Rudyard,

When was the last time you ate?
You are so skinny.

I've prepared a special dish for you full of ferretvite.

Don't tell the others, especially Jack. I need you putting on as many pounds as you can before you go on vacation with Natalie and Eli.

Remember to eat while I'm away!

Love,
Mom

Dear Mom,

Yes, I saw the treat and securely devoured it up.
Please do not worry about me, I will be fine.

We are very excited about our vacation, and I will promise to eat everything Auntie Nat and Uncle Eli give me. I will also make sure that Jack is left alone to his toys and keep MoMo company.

On another note, I was hoping you could set aside some money just in case we need anything you or our dear family has forgotten. In addition to that, will you leave me some puzzles for me to solve in my spare time? I do enjoy solving puzzles.

Much Love,

Rudyard

New Art

2011-05-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

Steampunk is the summer theme apparently.

Made Audrey a Steampunk Dragonfly and a Victorian Llama Necklace.

You can have one too if you want! Email me your colors of preference, and we'll see what magic I can come up with. The Dragonfly will be about $25, the Victorian Llama (or any critter of your choice) will be $20.

You can click the image to enlarge it; below is a close-up of the Victorian Llama Necklace.

Many thanks to my bootiful model, Audrey.

Remember, all artwork is hand-made and unique. No piece will look the same! So if you ask me to make something EXACTLY like something else, it won't happen. Because I need to be entertained while I'm working and copying is boring. :)

Email me at mustymongoose@gmail.com if you are interested.

No Good

2011-05-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

I want to curl up close my eyes and disappear.
I want to be in a different world and in a different story.
I want evil to be known and good to be obvious.
I want everything to work out in a storybook fashion.

Maybe I should re-play Dragon Age.

A St Simon's Weekend

2011-05-23T16:44:00.000-07:00

I got to help chaperone the middle school kids from St. G's this weekend on a trip to St. Simon's Island (sweet!). We used the Preston beach house and spent the majority of our time at the beach.

We got there Friday night. I played Once Upon a Time storytelling card game with whoever wanted to play with me, and we came up with some awesome stories.

The first one, I just pulled out a random four cards and an ending. It was my example story of what kind of stuff we could come up with and how the whole thing worked. This is what I got:

There once was a child who was cursed with ugliness, but it was okay because she was very happy. However, her family was distraught with the ugliness so they sought to end the curse. They went to a witch who turned her into a wolf. But it did not work, so they ate her at the feast and it was delicious.

The best story told was about a fat, well-to-do cook (but he didn't work for the king, he was just well-to-do) who was out of firewood. He couldn't go chop any because it was illegal in this world to chop firewood, and he couldn't sneak it either because of the tower-with-a-laser.

So, the cook went to his parents to ask for their advice and they told him about a little place that the laser tower couldn't find him and he could chop wood freely. He did and everything was great until he ran out.

Eventually he found out about this place that had an awesome magical forest that was in a cave somewhere, but it was guarded by a giant sleeping witch. So the cook went to go get some firewood. Amazing and awesome ninja-like things happened (I'm shady on the details) and the cook fought the witch, knocking her unconscious by making her run her head into one of the magical trees inside the cave (by the way, the trees are sentient magical mushrooms that grew a barrier around themselves because the elves--who are now extinct--had enslaved them).

He gathered this firewood and began going home, where he was attacked by a happy insane dwarf. The cook killed the dwarf, who was the last of his kind, and ate him. When the cook arrived home, he took the magical wood and speared it through the tower where--lo and behold-- the extinct elves lived! And he exterminated all of them. Everyone was happy.

When the cook returned to the magical cave, the sentient mushrooms had left. But he was not worried because the laser was gone and he was free to chop wood throughout the land.

I will be honest, this is not the whole story. I can't remember it all. I don't even remember what Ending Card we had. I do know that I gave you the extremely abbreviated version of the back-story about the magic mushrooms being enslaved and all that.

The rest of the weekend involved a lot of beach-tastic fun. I made a face in the sand, met a puppy-dog who wanted me to pet her but was too shy to ask, and also helped the kids build one of the biggest sandcastles they had built as of yet.

I also took the boys on a scenic route by accident when I was trying to drive us back to the beach house. We ended up in a fancy pretentious neighborhood that had no signs to indicate what road you were on. We were told eventually when neighborhoods that do that, it means something along the lines of "if you have to ask, you don't belong."

Bah. Pretentious pricks.

While we were lost, we all had an in-depth conversation about the zombie apocolypse. I found out that everyone expects to be able to acquire a double-barrel shot gun and never run out of bullets. When I asked what would happen if they ran out of bullets, they informed me they would simply "go buy some more."

Ah me. Those kids.

This is me when I wake up in the morning. Everyone thought it was funny and kept calling me "Mary."Then they took a picture. All I wanted were pancakes.

Our AMAZING castle that we all worked on together. It is AMAZING.

Poor Darcy!

2011-05-17T20:02:00.000-07:00

My poor Darcy!
I did research on why he has been unable to retract his penis and it's something called paraphimosis. Essentially. Darcy can't retract his penis, or its very difficult to. It's either stuck or is dried up. I started applying antibiotic ointments yesterday.

Today, I accidentally pulled on his little guy and made him terribly uncomfortable. Ack! So upsetting! At least it is not a tumor issue or anything.

He's got to be soooo uncomfortable right now. :(
I might have to transfer him into a solitary cage just so his brothers don't harrass him. They wanted to lick the antibiotic ointment off, which was not their job. But do they listen to me? No. No they don't.

Put That Thang Away

2011-05-13T20:52:00.001-07:00

You know that thing boy horses do when they get hot?
Yeah, well, Darcy is doing it. And its big and long and freaking me out.

Too Stressed Out

2011-05-12T04:50:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I was more upset yesterday than I realized.

I got to work and paused for the longest time before opening the door into the Library world. When I dropped my stuff off in the office, I felt awful still. When Aleta dropped in just to make sure I was there and ready for work, I burst into tears.

Poor Aleta. I'm sure that's not what she wanted or expected, but she asked how I was doing and that is such a dangerous question when you are not doing well.

So Aleta let me bawl for about thirty minutes. I cried and told her about my Grand-Pere and how he wasn't doing well at all; how I thought I could keep it together at work; how stressed out I was about life.

In the end, Aleta encouraged me to go home and relax. I am very glad this happened. When I got home I burst into tears all over again, but when I was done I was at home and I didn't feel the need to hide myself.

Sam and I went to his parents house and tromped about in the woods. It was very nice. At some point we belted off into a run and that was really fun. I started laughing like a little kid while I was tripping over myself trying to keep up with Sam. Hermes (previously known as Ritter) was quick at my heels, running with me and as happy as could be.

Later, Hermes and I snuggled during a Star Trek episode. I felt good at that moment.

When Sam and I were coming home, my heart became heavy again as I realized it was time to step back into reality. But it wasn't an unbearable heaviness, like before. And I didn't feel like crying. It was a good thing I did for myself.

I think I can definitely keep it together now.

Troubles

2011-05-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

We are going to France in about a month now.
I am very nervous and stressed and have recently heard that my Grand-pere is in the hospital. I don't know if I will get to see him when I get there. And if I don't, I don't know what that means in terms of the visit.

I am scared; I have always admired him and loved him, even if I never got the chance to know him very well. I just remember him as always being a happy guy and always making jokes. And then when I grew older and found out what kind of life he had.... well, how many people do you know who have rough lives and can still make funny jokes?

A Letter from Rudyard to MoMoBella

2011-05-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

Dear MoMoBella,

It makes me happy when you like me enough to wake me up and ask me to play, but you don't have to bite me. And you don't have to accompany me down the stairs. And you don't have to watch me while I poop. I'm not going to runaway or anything, so if you just go downstairs and wait on me that will be fine.

Anyway, I thought writing this letter was worth a show.

Very much love,
Rudyard

Have you ever Licked a Lamppost in Winter?

2011-05-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

I can't get over how much I enjoy Dragon Age. It's got multiple stories in a story, its got complete character development, and its got what all individuals who adore reading want to do--the chance to get involved!!

I have officially finished Dragon Age: Origins, and Dragon Age II.
I have to say, I liked the first one much more. But I still enjoyed DAII, especially when I got over all the changes.

I just wished in DAII that my decisions made more of a difference. There are some things where there was no way in hell the story would go any other way, no matter if I were diplomatic (I played the diplomatic character) or aggressive (Sam played the aggressive character who also told a lot of jokes). And I do definitely wish there were more moments to interact with my companions, like having a questions menu.

BUT but but. My palms were just as sweaty when I was making the finals decisions in DAII as in DA: Origins. My heart was a flipper-flapper-pitter -patter. I wanted to say the right thing, agree with the right people, and not lose anymore of the companions I had already lost.

And I'll tell you why:
Bioware has the amazing skill that most video games lack in this day and age-- story telling.
They can tell one helluva good story. And they can make you give a damn about what kind of person you want to be.
They do it Dragon Age. They do it in Mass Effect.
They just do it.
It's amazing.
And I just can't get over it. It's like reading the best book ever and playing your favorite character. I love it! Woohoo!

Now I should go do some Chemistry homework.
Sigh. :(

Presents!

2011-05-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

I'm going to tell you about how cool my sister is.

She told me earlier this week that she was going to the Ren Fest, and I was sad because I had work the same weekend she was going. So I told her, "Get me a present. Take pictures of some gypsies or something. Or if they have bellydancers, take pictures of those."

Lo and behold, there are dancers there. And through much research, I find out who they are and all that jazz. I posted the pictures on my belly dance blog, The Slinky Snake.

My sister is the pretty gal in the middle... no wait. That's a pirate. She's the shorty on the right. :)

Ventilation

2011-04-25T04:57:00.000-07:00

RARARAGAGALSJKTNL;ASDFJHSDK;HALSIEHTRN!!!!!

I just want my car to work properly. Is that too much to ask???

To All Sleepy Ferrets:

2011-04-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

Sleep no more! Momobella is here to wake you from your dreams! It doesn't matter if you are tired, you will be woken up. Momobella commands it, and so it shall be done!

If you will not wake when initiated, this is what will occur to you in SEQUENTIAL order:

Delicate Nudging
Delicate Kissing
Delicate Nosing
Vicious Chomping

Do not doubt my ways, for they are the True and Righteous ways! They are Momobella's Ways and to not pay attention upon first Nudging, such consequences will inevitably follow!

If you are incapable of paying immediate attention to the Beautimous Face of Momobella, the following will occur until you are properly giving The Momo what she Rightfully deserves:

Extreme Harrassment

Harassment may include but is not limited to:

Not Getting Out of Your Face
Not Letting you Walk Past Without Noticing Me
Not Allowing you to Poop Properly
Not Giving you a Chance to be the Grown Ferret you are and Allow you to Walk Down the Stairs by Yourself

Hopefully you understand all of this.

If you do not, please come to Momobella (WHICH IS I) for clarification.

If you are not sure who Momobella is, Momobella is the one tearing up the newspaper for not having her way. She is a brilliant strategist and gets along well with others.

Much Love, Momobella

Tired Of

2011-04-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

the weight is immense
there is no metaphor; it is literally immense
i can barely hold myself up anymore
i wish it would just go away and leave

no amount of tea-drinking will help
tea just makes me want to pee
and while that may make my bladder feel lighter
this weight
is just
too immense

seriously
this sagging
the sagging i feel under my eyelids
its like
one-hundred pounds
probably

and my shoulders
they want to roll forward
and not let my body straighten up

and my throat
wow
just wow
i didn't know throats could be weighty
but jesus christ
really
jesus christ

do you ever get the feeling
that maybe screaming
loud
loud
loud
would help any?

just a scream
just letting it out
would that help?

well hush
because we're in a library
and i'm so so so tired

Miracles

2011-04-19T04:43:00.000-07:00

Miracles DO happen! Momo and I cuddled for 10 FUCKING SECONDS today. I never thought it would happen. I'm getting all teary-eyed.

Chuchundra

2011-04-15T05:15:00.000-07:00

I have come to realize I have yet done a proper introduction of the new family addition, Chuchundra.

Chuchundra is Sam's new Guinea Pig. She is cute as a button. This is her third home and her last home.

We acquired her because a coworker of mine told me that her daughter-in-law was unbearably allergic to guinea pigs.

In the past, whenever Sam and I have to make a stop at the pet store, Sam has always enjoyed playing with the pigs.

Even though we had just acquired six rat babies, I still asked Sam if he was interested. And of course he was.

Then Penny-Pig, now Chuchundra.
She is named after the muskrat in Rikki Tikki Tavi, who was too afraid to go in the middle of the room and just stayed next to the walls.

In the Chuck Jones cartoon, they drew the muskrat like a guinea pig. So there is part of the inspiration. The other part is that when Chuchundra first came to us, she didn't know how to deal with the new and unfamiliar smells. So she hid. And when she couldn't hide, she stood in her spot, petrified.

It was cute.

Chuchundra has adjusted very well. She has learned that I am a sap, and all she has to do is ask and I will give her a carrot

(I swear, all the critters in this house have me under their thumb).

She is comfortable enough with her new surroundings that she enjoys padding about the room. Out living room is covered in hay, and Sam just said yesterday that it was like she was grazing our carpet. Which I guess she is.

As with any animal that we acquire, we've been learning about pigs. For example, guinea pigs are like tiny little sheep. They like to graze, they enjoy moving in herds, and they have different ways to communicate with each-other is something is up.

We've learned that Guinea pigs have about twelve different noises/calls they make. I haven't heard all of them. I've heard "Give me a treat," "Get out of my face," "I'm quite content," "Don't touch me there!" and I've heard her talk to herself as she walks about.

So, there we have it. Official introduction.
Geez, I'm bad at intros. It happens with people too. I always forget to introduce people to other people, and then we all stand there twiddling our thumbs.

Driving and Crazy Folk

2011-04-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

This happened earlier this week and I'm just now getting around to it.

Audrey and I were in the car, driving down Alps Rd and hitting the Alps Rd/Baxter Street intersection. I was given the left arrow to turn onto Baxter and so I did. Then, out of nowhere, a car attempts to make a U-turn in that intersection. Now, anyone who has ever seen this intersection knows for a fact it is most certainly not a place appropriate for U-turns. I don't know what this person was thinking, but she was blocking my way onto Baxter Street. I was stuck in the middle of the intersection until she was able to make all the necessary adjustments to properly turn around and go down Baxter herself.

One of my personal pet-peeves whilst driving is getting stuck in the middle of an intersection. I try to avoid it as much as possible. It make me feel vulnerable and open for smashing. Anyone with half a brain, if they saw a car stranded in the middle of an intersection, would most likely stop and wait until that car leaves. However, human society has proven to me time and again that most individuals so not even have one quarter of their brain present in their skulls.

So I have to wait a goodly while until this individual in this car that is PERPENDICULAR to me has somehow managed to back up, turn her wheels slightly, back up more, turn her wheels slightly more, etc. and has gotten onto Baxter without accident.

Once that has occurred, I get out of the intersection and head onto Baxter, towards the beloved ACC Library.

Immediately, this woman (for Audrey and I discovered eventually it was an elderly woman driving with her elderly husband in the seat next to her) begins cruising down Baxter St. at 10 mph. I understand that it is not a road to go fast on, but the speed limit here is 35 mph, and 25 mph when the school is let out.

At first, I think that perhaps the individual has car trouble. I keep some distance but continue going down the road at the snail's pace, occasionally stopping in the middle of the road because the car in front of us has done so.

Audrey and I both soon discovered that this woman did not have car trouble in the slightest. She was just very simply an incompetent driver. I understood this eventually when she merged into a bus lane.

When this individual went into the bus lane, I of course picked up speed. It was at this point I still assumed she was still having some car trouble and that the bus lane was providing her a safe spot to remove the car from the road temporarily.

Of course my assumption was incorrect.

What happened was this:

Woman discovered the bus lane was not a turning lane into the library;
Woman decided to merge into moving traffic without looking;
Woman almost T-bones my car;
Woman honks at me for not looking;
I scream "Fuck you!!" while all my windows are down and while my sister is sitting in the passenger seat.

I think the only reason I didn't flick her off as well was because I think of myself as a responsible driver and wanted to keep both hands on the wheel. Also, since my right tail-light is out (due to a tree smash), I need an spare hands and arms for signaling my turns. Which also reminds me, the majority of people in town don't seem to understand left-and-right hand signals. This is also quite irksome to me.

I realize I have a lot of pet-peeves when it comes to driving, and I think they are all good pet-peeves to have. So I won't be getting rid of them. Maybe I'll formulate a list one day and post it, for my own personal pleasure. Also, if you read it, you would know that when I am in your car I am certainly judging your driving capabilities.

Happy Madness

2011-04-11T17:33:00.000-07:00

Saturday night was our awesome belly dance show.
It went really well, even though I messed up on my lefts-and-rights during our maya sequence (I was thinking "Go right! Go RIGHT!" but then I went left...).

And in the second number I failed my ensemble partner by not dropping the veil early with her. We were peeking out of veils in one bit, and she dropped hers a few counts early. Instead of dropping with her like I SHOULD have done, I held onto it. I did finally drop it after 8 counts of music, so hopefully it all looked intentional and nobody noticed anything.

Earlier that day we worked out and learned Bollywood Bellydance fusion as well as Hip-Hop Bellydance fusion. My thighs were near dead, so I slept mostly well that night.

Audrey had slept over and the next morning we snuggled up with Chuchundra for a bit before embarking on an adventure to surprise our dad with a belated birthday cake.

But the day was long and hot, and by the time we got to Dad's house with the gluten-free cake mix, we were too tired and icky to do anything, so instead we just hung out with my dad and his friend, Naomi (who is cute as a button and told me about this awesome website).

Then we gave Chelsea a bath, which she needed very much because her butt was dirty. We gave her a good brush down then went on a walk so she could dry.

It was then that I learned she will stop where she is walking and poop anywhere, including the middle of the road.

After that I finally went home to rest. Sam just finished playing Dragon Age and we stayed up well past the midnight hours to begin the beginning of Dragon Age II (which I will already say is WAAAAAAAY too different from the first one and its weird).

I'm still not done with my game of Dragon Age, but I like watching Sam play out the story of the second one...... errrrgh! Conflict!!

Witness!

2011-04-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

So I'm working on a belly dance clock for our raffle that's gonna be taking place during our April 9th show and all of a sudden a hear an alarming noise coming from the ferret cage. I can't tell if it's a mix between a sneeze or a bad dream, so my maternal instincts make me drop everything I'm doing (I'm cutting numbers out for the clock.... very meticulous) and rush over to the ferret cage.

I still don't know if it was a sneeze or a bad dream, but I do know that Momobella was wide awake and was looking at me. So I said,

"Momobella, do you want to come out and play?"

And of course she does. That's why she's waiting on me to open the door. I notice the boys are still sleeping and I decide not to wake them up. Momo comes out and romps about for a bit while I work on my clock numbers.

Every few minutes I stop working and check on Momo, to see how she is doing. I do this with all the critters for fear they will get into trouble (because they typically do).

Everything is normal the first few times. I catch Momobella tearing up the toilet paper, the next time I see her making a mess with some bags near the guinea pig's dwelling--which sends Chuchundra in a singing tizzy because she thinks she's getting some sort of treat--and I also catch Momobella trying to knock everything off any table she can ever find a way to climb.

When I'm finished with my numbers I pop them in the oven to bake and happen to see Momo just descending from the upper level in the ferret house. I go over to her and I say,

"What are you up to Momo?"

I look at the boys. They are still sleeping.

Momo jumps out of the lower portion of the cage, pauses, and then jumps back in. She thinks about going up the steps, then pauses again, and decides she'd rather take a poop. When she's finished pooping, she goes back to the upper level and noses the boys.

(Jack and Momo being cute in the picture in the above picture)

Instantly, I see. She wants to play with them!

Well, she doesn't look to me for help, so I let her be. Stormy had said when Momobella wanted to play with her former cagemate, she would drag the other furrt around whether he enjoyed it or not. I wanted to see if she would attempt something like this.

After she noses for a bit, she goes back down the stairs.

And then after an indecisive moment, she goes right back up. And she nudges and noses them harder. She sees Rudyard starting to wake up, so she pushes him around.

She's saying, "I want to play! I want to play!"

And Rudyard is stretching a yawning and getting up. Jack is rolling over and taking his time, which Momo lets him (I don't think she could move him even she tried).

The next thing I know, Momo is accompanying Rudyard down the steps, not even letting him stop for a poop, and getting him out of the cage and into the room. Jack decides to take his sleepy time in my arms, but I eventually put him down on the floor with Momo and Rudyard. Again, he's slow to start, but this time Momo is sniffing in his face and pushing him about with her nose.

"Alright, alright," says Jack. "I'm up."

And he gets up, and the three of them run off and start playing.

(Jack in the picture to the right)

SQUEE

2011-03-26T08:50:00.001-07:00

Monsters!

2011-03-24T07:34:00.000-07:00

I was romping about like usual when all of a-sudden I got ATTACKED!

I don't know what it was, but suddenly it was on my tail and it wasn't letting go. I ran around the whole room and danced super hard but it wouldn't let go. When I bit into it, it wasn't even alive! I don't know what it was. Probably a monster.

But then, Miss Clara scooped me up and inspected the monster. She had to pull it off and it hurt my tail hairs so bad! I didn't want my tail hairs to hurt, so I wiggled a lot. But then Miss Clara scruffed me so I couldn't move and super-fast yanked the monster off my tail.

After that, she let me look at it.
I sniffed it and it didn't move.
I bit it and it didn't move.

I'm pretty sure I killed it after it first bit me. Probably with my dancing.

This is what it looked like. Yeah, its super dead. If you are squeamish, you should probably not look at the picture too long. I don't know why Miss Clara took a picture of it. Probably to gross out the squeamish folks.

Anywho, that's my story for the day!
Love, Momobella

Leg Hair

2011-03-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

I haven't shaved for months. Why? Well, the real reason is that I ran out of shaving cream and whenever I went to the store and remembered, I opted for buying snacks instead.

I looked for wax, but Walmart didn't have wax when I was shopping.

Eventually I got shaving cream, but it was time for me to go on my Noah's Wish adventure and I just didn't see the point right then and there.

After I got home last night I thought I would celebrate my reunification with civilization. So I jumped in the shower and whipped out my razor and....

My razor barely reached my knee cap before it was so loaded with hair, I couldn't shave anymore. I rinsed it out and started again. Same thing. It was incredibly frustrating. I stopped once I finished up my first leg and then threw my hands up in the air. It was ridiculous.

Jack thought it was ridiculous too. Thanks for your support, baby.

Noah's Wish Volunteer Training

2011-03-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

What can I say? Oh, yes. It was FUCKING AWESOME.

I was pretty shy at first, but.... well, Jo Ellen said there is nothing like sleeping with a whole group of people--it changes you.

So, disaster training. There was a lot of lecturing, but there was also an equal amount of activities. I got certified in Animal CPR and First Aid (which is FUCKING AWESOME).

I learned (well, on a toy I learned) how to properly hold a Macaw or a Finch. A bird-guy from Zoo Atlanta came yesterday and we talked about birds and how to take care of them and different ways to de-stressify them. BECAUSE apparently a stressed bird is a dead bird.

I also learned about llamas! Which I was neither one way or another about until today when I interacted with them. But they are all about body language and it was FUCKING AWESOME. I learned how to harness one without freaking it out, and we discussed ways of herding llamas out in the open into smaller confined spaces to get better control of them and lead them to a shelter, away from the disaster site.

We also learned all about Triage and color coding Triage (by the way, if you don't know what triage means, its when you essentially place persons or animals into certain categories. This is also for Mass Casualties... as in bodies everywhere!):

Green= Walking Injured (they are hurt and need to be looked at; but for the most part can walk)
Yellow= Delayed (will take time, but still needs treatment)
Red=Immediate Care is Needed (they are still alive, but their injury is life-threatening)
Black=dead dead dead. Going to the morgue.

I think I would be no-good at Triage. I would want to take every critter I find with me. But the point of Triage is to categorize all the animals before transporting them and knowing exactly where they are supposed to go.

We also had a shelter organizing activity, which was hella confusing. I ended up assigning myself a job and then unassigning myself that job because I didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to be doing; but I did know that we were supposed to set up cat and dog crates. So that's what I did instead.

We also discussed Intake, which is all of the paperwork involved when a critter first comes in. I thought I would be good at that, and maybe if I were in the actual situation I could, but it was hard to play pretend and talk about the dog I had to give up... or ask questions about two invisible puppies that were with my partner.

I think I would have to do it several times though to get it right. As in, do it several times in training....

More things happened... my brain is just dead at the moment. Also, I pretty much only took pictures of llamas because that was the only time I wanted my camera out.

Friday

2011-03-18T14:00:00.000-07:00

Work happened today. And it royally sucked. We had a meeting that I had completely forgotten about, so when I came in this morning I was very confused.

Then I tried to start stickering and weeding out the Suspense genre (we are putting all of our books together on the shelf for reconstruction, which will happen one day soon. I just started with a small genre today). While that happened, we also got in a shit-ton of DVDs and I had to check them all in which took forever and ever.

Then, as a result, we had shelving up the wazoo. So I shelved and shelved. My fingers and body hurt so bad, yes SOMEHOW I managed to be very kind and polite to the patrons today. I am so tired.

And when I get home I have to pack for tomorrow morning. OH GOD. Then I get to go to bed and wake up at some god-awful hour so I can drive at a god-awful time to do some super freaking awesome training on animal rescue. There will be SO MUCH COFFEE involved.

And now on a happy note, here are some pictures of MoMoBella:

Thursday

2011-03-18T05:06:00.000-07:00

Thursday, we all went to the Atlanta Zoo: me and Sam and Audrey and her buddy Lizzy. The entire thing was fun, but I felt really bad for a lot of the critters there. They seemed very bored and completely unstimulated.

On our way home, we stopped at a Waffle House and had a crazy waitress. She hooped and hollared a lot and made me jump a couple of times. Then she asked me why I didn't finish my eggs, and I said cos I was full and then she asked me if I was sure that was it. Then she turned to Audrey and asked her why she didn't finish her biscuit. Sheesh!

We got home at 8pm and Sam and I were very tired. But I was supposed to meet up with Karen that evening and talk about coming up with some veil choreography. So I went and did that and got to take home some AWESOME eggplant parmesan.

When I got home and ready to relax completely, I got a distressing call from Audrey. One of her rat babies had died during the day and the other one was extremely sick. She was upset and that got me extremely upset and I just didn't know what to do or how to help.

I've been looking up information about rat sickness. The only thing I can come up with is that it was quite possibly a virus. Cleo, Audrey's rat before the babies, did not get sick from what it looks like. It must have been something that only stayed in her boys' cage.

I feel awful for her. Pet deaths are terrible, especially when they are such small babies. We are going to have to keep an eye on the rest of the litter just in case it is something else. I hope it isn't; I would feel absolutely awful if the whole litter started dropping like flies.

Wednesday

2011-03-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

The Final happened. As to how I did, I don't know.

The rest of the rat babies got adopted today. My friend Jessica and her daughter Millie came by this morning to pick up one, and my friends the Brays got the other two in the afternoon. Millie was very cute. She said that Chuchundra, Sam's new guinea pig, was a "very big rat." Additionally, she wondered about the ferrets and as to why they were "so long?" Millie also found a box I had filled to the brim with pennies (I use them for counting levels in our Munchkin Cthulhu game).

After the final I got to relax for a few hours. It was awesome!! I colored pictures and worked on a project for a friend who is starting some small-business catering, called Yummy to my Tummy! Her food is so delicious. In exchange for some stencils I am making for her, I get to ear her delicious eggplant Parmesan! YUMMY TO MY FRICKIN' TUMMY.

Then I went to work and the Brays squee-ed and squee-ed over their new ratlet babes. I am so happy that the boys have such an excited and enthusiastic home to go to. I am certain they will be very happy with their new family.

After work, I came home and chillaxed. It was awesome. I finished the stenciling project and am having fun trying the stencils out on some stuff. I think I will also put them on my car.

Chuchundra explored some on the floor today. Usually she sits and doesn't move, but today she walked a few steps. Then she went back to her hidey spot.

The ferrets are getting along swimmingly and have mixed in their scents with each other. Now they all smell the same, which is great. Tussels still happen, but never in the cage. Only during playtime.

This week will only get better. Tomorrow, to Zoo Atlanta!!

Tuesday

2011-03-16T06:09:00.000-07:00

Woke up and had the courier route. I realized late last night that I completely forgot to visit the local branches like I typically do on Monday. I was quite mad at myself, but I visited the local branches on Tuesday. So no worries.

After that I went home and slept. I was so tired.

Then, around 8ish, we had an awesome sewing night at Karen's where we produced harem pant-after-harem pant. It was great! Plus I got to eat some of Karen's chili and a few of her cupcakes.

Did I study at all? Sure. Off and on. I was reciting my essay while I was driving my courier route and missed a turn, but it was a quick fix.

Monday

2011-03-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

Before I went to class today, I took the boys and put them in the cage with MoMo (they slept separate last night). Just to shake up everybody's sniffers and surroundings.

Then, I went to class. The final review went pretty awesome. The instructor basically asked us questions directly from the final exam and we reviewed all of the essay questions.

Then I got to hang out with Nat which resulted in me getting a foamy sheet-thing that you put under your sleeping back when you are camping. And also we ate Jamaican food. I also got to catch her crazy cat (the crazy one is named Mouche, which makes me think of mouths because it rhymes with the French word for mouth).

Then when I got home, I found out that all of the ferrets were SLEEPING IN THE SAME HAMMOCK!! And it was so cute. But then they woke up and I didn't get a picture. But believe you me, it was cuter than baby octopuses.

Then I went to work, which was full of work and I'm not going to talk about it.

THEN I CAME HOME. And I played this game on armorgames.com for TWO hours and then realized I hadn't let the ferrets out and I hadn't showered. So I compromised and did both. Rud and Jack did not shower, but MoMo did.

And boy-howdy, she sure did hate it. She looked like a large white rat when her fur was pasted to her from all the soak. She was super unhappy and most of all embarrassed! Sam and I laughed at her as she ran around the house trying to get dry while Rudyard and Jack pitied from a distance.

So far, today has NOT killed me.

Hell Week

2011-03-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

Not in theatre terms. Actual Hell is going to ensue. Listen to this schedule:

Monday: study for final, clear out my car, go to work
Tuesday: courier route, study for final, sewing night for harem pants
Wednesday: Final, rat adoption, go to work
Thursday: Pick up raffle stuff for the April 9th show, go to the Zoo, start packing for the weekend
Friday: full work day, finish packing for weekend
Saturday: drive to Dallas GA to take part in the animal rescue disaster training
Sunday: come home, and dance to solidify the choreography for April 9th

The week after I will do NOTHING. Do you hear me? Not. A. Fucking. Thing.

Except dance in my MC Hammer Harem Pants.

MoMo is in Another Castle

2011-03-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

Sam woke up to this at some point today:

This morning, I let the ferrets run amok as usual and then to their surprise I slipped all three of them into the big cage. I wanted to see how it went and figured it was good for them anyway.

When I got out of Sulukule practice today, I called up Sam and asked how everyone was doing.
Everyone was still asleep!
And all in close proximity to each other!
While on the phone, Jack and Rud were nose to nose while MoMo slept on their feet.
When I got home, Rud, Jack, and MoMo had made a big circle around the bottom hammock.
Eventually, MoMo curled up next to Rudyard and Jack slumbered off elsewhere, but that is okay. This is a success!

Update: MoMo and Jack

2011-03-12T09:38:00.000-08:00

Yikes!
Biggest fight so far over the Robot Bee.
Jack and MoMo were under the dresser and suddenly there was an explosion of hisses and squeaks. By the time Sam and I got there, it was all over. I think Jack lost; he was so incredibly upset. I gave Jack the Robot Bee and he and Sam went into Sam's room to stash it. Since none of the ferrets really goes into Sam's room, it is a good spot. The Robot Bee is currently hiding under the bed.

MoMo was in such an irritable mood after the fight, she even picked on Rudyard. Poor guys. Everyone is in their cage right now, chilling out. I hope that everyone will feel better by the time they come out this evening. If not, it'll just be a short visitation that involves lots of treats and happy feelings.

MoMo and Jack

2011-03-12T08:19:00.000-08:00

MoMoBella is adjusting really well to her new surroundings. She is always excited when she comes out and enjoys exploring immensely.

Rudyard has become enamored with MoMo. I'm not very surprised... Sam pointed out that Rudyard couldn't hear MoMo's warning hisses when he got too close to her stuff, so its all just fun and games to him.

Jack is not quite so into MoMo. I think he finds her intrusive. He doesn't like it when she gets under the dresser (that is where the Robot Bee lives which, as we all know, is the best toy ever in the history of the world). Although he may occasionally play and interact when Rudyard and MoMo are romping about, he seems for the most part to do some wandering all on his own. Sam and I have been giving him extra attention so he doesn't feel left out.

This morning, I woke MoMo up and slipped her into the boys cage to wake them up. She did this very well. Rudyard was delighted to see her. Jack was a little peeved. He gave me a look that was equivilant to "I really hate you right now." But I made it better by slipping Jack into Momo's cage. He sniffed out every corner and was very happy to do so.

At one point he started raiding Momo's food bowl. MoMo was in the boy's cage still also raiding the food bowl. Momo looked across at Jack and I swear to you, the look SHE gave was equivalent to "What the fuck???"

Eventually everyone was allowed to muck about the house in their favorite way. There was a fight for the robot bee under the dresser. Momo won, temporarily, but the second she left the dresser Jack had it again (he is currently guarding it and moving it about with him).

At some point, MoMo and Rud chased eachother into the bathroom where Jack was hanging out and playing, which resulted in a HUGE tussle. Jack and MoMo fought it out all the way out of the bathroom and into my room. There was ample hissing and squeaks, but no one got hurt.

Jack is not good at flipping over other ferrets--this is necessary to display dominance. His advantage is that he is twice the size of Rudyard and probably three times the size of Momo, so the little ones have trouble flipping him over too. When he and Rudyard first started, Rudyard couldn't flip Jack over for shit. He would just fall over. But Rud is smart and eventually went for Jack's ear instead of the scruff.

Anywho, the battle between Jack and MoMo ended with no true victor, but it was good they had it. Best to let out the tension before it gets worse. It is important to see where the other ferret stands and how well they can handle themselves.

Jack is still a baby and he is still learning the Way of the Mongoose. Momo and Rudyard are both three years of age and have at least twice the experience baby Jack has. But Jack is the baby, and he knows it. He is very well aware that Sam and I are there for him when he needs us.

I'm hoping that by next Thursday, everyone will be happy and comfortable with each other and won't mind sleeping in the same quarters. We'll see. :)

MoMoBella: the new furrt

2011-03-11T07:56:00.000-08:00

I am delighted to take on another ferret. This time, its a girl! How exciting! I've never had a girl before.
Nat drove me and Sam out to Atlanta to pick her up from our new friend Stormy (Stormy is the human and MoMoBella is the ferret). Stormy is cute as a button, and we got to meet the other critters residing in her house.

Stormy's corgi didn't like me very much, but that was okay because she has a cat named Mr. Pants. Everything is better when you have a cat with fuzzy pants.

I also got to meet her momma hedgepig, which made a stink-face at everyone. I'd never touched a hedgepig before nor seen one in "real life" so it was all around super-duper.

MoMoBella has been trying to get through her depression from the loss of her cage-mate, Pete. That is where I come in. I'm hoping my boys will keep MoMoBella occupied and happy.

We got home late last night and immediately tossed everything on the floor (including the fuzzies) and just watched. I finally took out my camcorder and had some fun filming. Here is a summary of the evening:

Everybody Everywhere

2011-03-10T06:08:00.001-08:00

The CHOSEN One(s)

2011-03-07T06:32:00.000-08:00

How can you resist the cute? It's very difficult.

These are Sam's new girls. They are adorable and very well socialized already! Hurrah, what fun. The one on the left is Callisto, the one on the right is Andromeda.

This is Link. I gave him a toy sword to play with (hee hee).
He likes to be left alone to do his own thing and is therefore very independent. He doesn't like it when I pick him up, so I end up chasing his around the bed a lot. He's sneaky and slippery and just plain mischevious. Misty warned me about him, buuuuuuut the guy has a SWORD on his back. I mean. Come on. A frickin' SWORD.

Here is Mr. Dragonballs (as Eli calls him). But his real name is Goku. First picture explains why his name is his name; the second picture is his better half. He is not nearly as rambunctious as Link and not nearly as difficult as Link is, BUT he is certainly much more than the other two boys. He's the segue in the gang and enjoys spending time with everybody.

To my left is Mr. Darcy, who can be socially awkward but is still very charming and certainly the most mellow of the four. He keeps to himself the most, adventures the least, but still enjoys hanging out in social circles.

The fourth one is Mr. Bingley.
Nat picked him because he likes to sit. I'm glad we brought him home; hes as tame as a lady and very sweet to his persons. Just like a Bingley should be.

Ferret Presents

2011-02-26T13:53:00.000-08:00

I am a sap for giving things to the boys. Here is something I acquired 2nd (or 3rd?) hand from my friend Jennifer and her sister Meagan.

Rudyard as of now has yet to explore it because he was sleepy, but Jack went over it and enjoyed it.

Babes at 3

2011-02-22T20:44:00.000-08:00

Babes are three weeks old and will be soon to leave their mamas! Below are pictures of the cute little vermin, all scurrying about and switching up the litters and feeding off both mommas. It's a sweet little community!

Sam missed out on this trip cos he had homework. So I brought Audrey along and she was my photographer.

(PS: Devil Rat and Misty have made up and are good friends now)

Momma shot! If you look closely, you can see her very abused nipples!

Misty's fave.

Nomming on chips. FYI: don't feed your rats chips.

MISTY IS VERY VERY VERY BAD. The End.

Streeeeettcchhhhh.

This is Goku. I called him that because of the dotties on his belly looking like a Dragon Ball from DragonBall Z.

Misty's favorite again. This time in Misty's hands instead of on my chest.

Babies decided the food bowl was a good sleepy spot.

Audrey took a good textured shot of this rat's tail.

Nomming.

Momma got tired of letting her teats be suckled, so she left. This is what rat babies look like when their milk supply suddenly disappear.

Tired Momma from working so hard.

This is Link, called so because his back pattern looks like a sword.

Suckling.

Goku again.

Suckling

Link

Ratlet Update

2011-02-17T07:16:00.000-08:00

Here is the proud momma of one of the litters. Misty suspects that this litter is older by a day because all of these little fellas have open eyes and are bigger than the other litter. We took pictures mostly of this gal's litter since they were more active and mobile.

Apparently, she is a very high-strung momma. Misty described her as "pure evil" and "the devil," however she didn't act out when Sam and I played with her and Misty's kid swears up-and-down that she has never behaved badly with him. I bet its because this lady is out-to-get Misty. :D

But in all seriousness, yes. This rattie is pretty high-strung. I hope she chills-the-fuck-out afterwards.

I don't know what that will mean for the babes, but they are being handled and properly socialized since birth. So they will probably be okay. :)

Here is our other momma, who is a sweetheart and a full blue color. We didn't shoot too many pictures of her babes because I didn't want to disturb them. But here is one beautiful ratlet that has a full black coat.

It's soooooo cute! And PRECIOUS! I can't wait until they open their eyes because THEN personality happens.

Apparently one full blue lady(or guy) in the other litter is a nipper and is hyper. We also noticed she will wrestle down to the bottom pile of her kin so she can be warmest.

By the way, I'm probably going to keep calling all the ratties 'she' until their balls drop. So DEAL. I'm also uber excited.

Also, on top of all the other great things, I believe that today they are officially TWO WEEKS old, which means that they are half-way to being weened from momma WHICH MEANS that we all get rat babies in two weeks.

Q: When is a good time to clip a ferrets toe nails?

2011-02-16T10:37:00.000-08:00

Answer:
When they are sleepy! Because you get to clip their toe nails AND you get to spend some quality time with them. Ferrets who are more used to interacting with their humans throughout all stages of the day are ultimately more comfortable playing with their humans.

If the furrt keeps waking up, convince them to stay still with a nommy treat. Also, it is always helpful to have a separate pair of hands helping out... one person to hold the ferret and treat, other person to hold ferret paws and nail clippers.

Will you Dance for Coffee?

2011-02-15T05:44:00.000-08:00

I am lying in bed. I do not want to get up. We forgot to turn the heater on last night, so it is cold. I am clinging to my bed sheets, thinking about the day before me.

"Coffee?" Sam indicates as he comes out of the shower.
"I made it yesterday. Your turn," I say.
Later, as he sits at his computer for his morning ritual of zombie games and facebook checking, he turns to me. I am still in bed, still bathed in the bedsheets.
"Why aren't you making coffee? I made coffee yesterday," he says.
"I made coffee yesterday," I say. "It's your turn."
"I made coffee..." he trails off, his eyes searching the room like a wiley critter. "Um... I made coffee that one time."
"I'm not making coffee!" I insist.
"I danced all day yesterday," he says.
"When? No you didn't."
He begins jiggling in his seat, moving his arms sporadically. "I'm dancing now. Dancing for coffee."
I point to an open area on the floor. "You want coffee so bad, bellydance for me right there."
He gets up, near the spot I pointed at, and begins doing his own rendition of snake arms. "I'm dancing," he tells me.
"Move your hips," I say.
"I AM moving my hips!" he tells me. "I'm a boy, I don't have hips."
He then proceeds to sit down. I get out of bed and make coffee.

How Clara Learns

2011-02-14T18:44:00.000-08:00

This is the first part of photosynthesis. This is apparently the only way I can properly understand things. Also, I have a test on Wednesday.

****Correction: I have been informed that in the second photosystem in the drawing, there is no water involved. So.... just erase that. :)

What Makes Clara Happy

2011-02-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

Obsessive Compulsive Weasel

2011-02-10T06:52:00.000-08:00

The Grinch and Max have been in the ferret cage for about a week or more. I can't count, so I can't tell you.

When I first put them in there, Jack was slightly concerned. You see, its not where they belong. But it seemed that eventually he got over it and didn't mind their presence in the bedroom area and the feeding area (Max hung out next to the food bowl and the Grinch dominated the pillows and blankets).

Well, this morning like every morning I let the ferrets out so they may romp about before I have to leave for class. They are typically very excited in the morning and I feel like it is a good way to start my day. They can be so silly when they are excited.

While I am sitting on the futon contemplating my lab on photosynthesis, I hear Jack climbing into the ferret cage. I hear him scuffle up the ladder (my ears are trained, you see, so I don't have to watch them every second; I can just listen to their mischievousness).

I hear him pat about in his bedroom.

And then, I hear something different. It is a BANG! noise, like a twang. Like someone may have been pulling very hard on something, lost the grip in his teeth, and fell back against the bars in the cage. That or just a simple fall. I couldn't tell, so I looked.

The Grinch was on the floor outside the cage. Jack was up-righting himself from inside, then hopping out. I would say that his look was very determined. He grabs the Grinch by the scruff and takes him away into (and I did not see this, but I know from experience where his stash spot is) MY bedroom behind MY dresser (sure enough, I am correct).

Then, Jack comes back. He jumps into the cage, climbs up two flights of ladders, and I know he is about to take Max from the feeding area. This is very high up and on a surface that, when the doors are open like they were, I deem unsafe.

So, to smooth out the process, I pick up Jack and Max and put them both on the floor. He is a little confused at first (perhaps he wanted to do all the work himself?) but eventually picks Max up by the scruff and takes him away too.

Polar Bears Kick Ass

2011-02-08T17:53:00.001-08:00

A Ratlet Litter

2011-02-06T18:44:00.000-08:00

After Ganymede passed away, I got an interesting message from my friend Misty. It said this:

What
The
Fuck.
I woke up this morning to TWO litters of baby rats! Somebody at the pet store is gonna have my foot up thier ass!

It's kind of... well, I'll be honest. I'm a superstitious person. And I sort of think this is amazing. My mother told me when I was young that when someone dies, they die because they are giving room for a new birth. She explained to me that my great-grandmother had passed away within a few weeks or so (I think it was weeks; I'll have to ask for specifics) of my being born.

So what do you think I think?
I think that nature has worked its magic. If there were ever a reason do believe fully in the powers of natural balance, this is certainly a good place to start.

I'm not a preachy type, so I'm going to stop there. But seriously, folks. Seriously. Just think about what everything in life naturally tries to do. It tries to balance itself. It tries to keep homeostasis. Our bodies do it, the earth does it, populations do it (exception would be humans because we keep trying to defy the balancing act).

ANYWAY,
I'm writing this post because I really want to share these photos Sam took of Misty's new batch of babies:

Gana-med, Ganymedley

2011-02-03T20:20:00.000-08:00

My dearest, sweetest Ganymede:

I will miss you. I will miss your tender caring hands and your love for your fellow rat and person.

I will remember how you always loved Sam so much; when he walked into the room even if you were hanging out with me for a bit, you always wanted to be with him. I'm so glad that you guys had each other. I'm so glad that he was so important to you.

I will always smile at empty glasses of water because of you. You liked to drink out of them so much.

I wish we had had more time together after Vincent, just you and me and Sam, but I know you felt you were ready. I know that you would not have moved on if you felt otherwise.

I'm going to miss you and your quirks. I remember when you kept me and Sam up at night because you were working on your house... or you were really really thirsty... or you were working on breaking up your plastic floor (that was quite a feat! I'm still in awe over the huge hole).

Remember when we called you Snowball sometimes because you still had all your baby fur? And remember when Victoria barbered you and you had naked patches? And then you got your old lady fur, which was all wirey.

All of my biology notes from this quarter have been nommed to bits by you.

I am going to miss you so much Ganymede. I hope you are happy and safe and warm with Vincent and Victoria, and even Mark and Liam-- although you didn't know them very well (they are very sweet; don't worry).

Much Love and Dental Work,
Clara and Sam

I Love the ERC

2011-02-02T18:41:00.000-08:00

The ERC

is my favorite place to be

My baristas are nice

and so is my tea

I like the cranberry bars a lot

The seat across the snacks

is my favorite spot

ERC, you are so hot.

I love you!

Love, Miss Clara Mongoose

(I found these on their website and the two people in front on the snacks are in my favorite spot)

The Passing of a Wincent

2011-01-31T20:10:00.000-08:00

One of those little rat babies in the picture above is Vincent. I wish I could point to you which, but to be honest, I don't know. Somewhere amongst the hungry teat suckers, there is also a Ganymede, a Charlotte, an Alice, a Sadie. I didn't know the rest of the babes very well, but they must have all been quite charming.

But I wanted to talk about Vincent, who lived to a ripe old age of 2 years and 9 months. Right now, he has reunited with his old cage-mates, Mark and Liam, and is also saying hello to his siblings, Alice and Sadie and probably others. He is saying hello to sweet elegant Victoria and also finally reuniting with his mother, Penelope.

My dearest Vincent, who weonce called One-Dot because of the one dot on your back, it was a pleasure seeing you grow. I know you feel the same way.

I know that not only was it in your capacity to love me, but that you loved me fully and trusted me fully.

Dear Vincent, I hope you didn't think I was abandoning you when I brought you to the vet today. I hope that you understood that I was worried about you. I was worried about how you were hurting. I hope that you trusted me to take care of you.

You made everything better, especially my shirts and pants. My Mountain Dew shirt is one of my favorite shirts because of you and your rat lace. I also don't know if I have anymore bedsheets that haven't met your creative little teeth.

I enjoyed our last nap together. I know you did too. You held my hand the entire time. When I got up to pee, you didn't want me to go. You are always going to be my Vincent-Wincent, my little baby.

I love you, Vincent-Wincent.

Jack's Game of the Day: Kill the Snake

2011-01-30T05:14:00.000-08:00

Momma says she's very impressed with my snake-killing because I just get better and better at it, so I wanted to share with everyone how you can Kill-the-Snake too and have as much fun as me.

First, you have to pretend to be a mongoose. Mongooses are really good at killing snakes because its just what they do.

Second, you have to jump on the snake and bite it, then shake it around. It's okay because the snake likes that. He knows its part of the game.

Also, if you don't have a toy snake like I do almost anything else can be a snake. Sometimes I pretend Rudyard is a snake, but its harder with him because he moves around and I have to chase him.

I hope you have fun with the game you just learned! Bye-bye!

Rudyard's Game of the Day: Whack-A-Ferret

2011-01-20T06:30:00.000-08:00

Hello! This is Rudyard. Mommy told me to tell you about what I played today. Its real fun and everyone who likes to play should play it.

First, you get under something. I like to get under my favorite stool.

Then you stick your head out and try to bite your Mommy.
But what your mommy is trying to do is bonk you on the head!

So you have to put your head right back under your stool before she bonks you. If she's not paying attention, then you can bite her.

When you bite her, make sure you don't mean it. Because I only bite for fun, but sometimes if you bite and you mean it mommys get upset. Sometimes sams get upset too. My Sam is very smart and understands I don't mean it, but it would make me sad if my Sam thought that I did mean it.

That is the game of the day! I hope you have fun playing!!

What the Children Say

2011-01-15T20:02:00.000-08:00

We went to the aquarium today with Nat and Eli. It was great.

Piranhas

2:00 was the Piranha feeding time. We were there at 1:45. I'm not a terribly big fan for crowds, what with my ever-oh-so-slight claustrophobia, so I found a small little tunnel place that had a good view of the piranhas and was away from all of the tall adults telling their children to hush, be quiet, and look.

Well, silly me. The little tunnel was too perfect for me. So perfect that it was perfect for children as well. So they came in a stampede, in and out.

One group discussed very seriously if fish could drown.
"Fish can't drown," was the consensus.
One child said with much conviction (clearly a student of recent education), "A whale can drown because its a mammal."
"Or she," another in the group said.
The first child nodded, as if embarrassed by his mistake. "Yeah. Or a she."

A young couple also came in, getting the same bright idea that I had. The children clustered around me, talking to me even though they had no idea who I was; but that I was wearing fish earrings, carrying around a sketchbook, and hanging out in the tunnel with them, so I must be harmless.

A very young group of boys were very eager to see the piranhas get fed. They waited and waited, wondering if it would be bits of flesh that came down. Would their be blood? What were they going to rip apart? Would it be alive?

A dead fish on a hook drops down at 2:00 and there is a swarm. Each piranha takes a bite then swims away. What is left is still a dead fish on a hook, except where its belly area used to be is... well, its not. It's just not there. I peered closely and saw the spine of the dead thing, still covered in bits of fish flesh.

The boys moaned.
"Where's the blood?" one whined. Clearly, he was hoping for quite the spectacle.
There was a long pause. "Maybe they drained the body already," another boy chimes in. There is a voted agreement. Yes, that was it.

Then the couple behind me speaks up. There is a young boyish photographer, growing in his hipster facial hair, and his girlfriend, who also seems to have the hipster fashion going on because of the scarf she has swung about her neck.

"I once saw someone lower a cow into a pool of piranhas and they went crazy. They ate it so fast. It was on TV. But I bet its because they were really hungry. The fish at the aquarium probably eat, like, every two hours."

"Yeah," the girlfriend agrees, her hand in the crook of her boyfriend's arm. "But they should give what the customer wants and, like, starve them for us."

Sea Otters
My favorite part were the new sea otters, which is like when you take five river otters and combine them together into one BIG BIG BIG otter.

When I first saw them, I got to glimpse one sleepy fellow come out into the underwater viewing area to play with one of the toys that had been left for him. It is amazing how sea otters move. Already I thought the river otter was graceful, but to see something so large with so much sinew move its body like its limbless and without a skeleton? Impressive. I was very smitten.

Sam was a big help for me today, getting me through the crowds. Once the crowd of children cleared from the glass, he and I jumped in and didn't let out spots go. I whipped out my sketchbook but honestly, I was too entranced to draw. The sea otter, without even touching it seemed, picked up this red ball off the floor of the tank and suddenly had it riding on his belly while he swam upside down for a few kicks. While keeping the ball in one spot, he swirled around it intimately, like he was seducing it, before playfully throwing it about and chasing it.

"What is that?" a very very very young boy on my right ear asked.
The mother attending him said, "A red ball."
"What's it doing?" the boy asked.
"Playing."
"Why is it playing?"
"Because its fun."
"Why does it want to have fun?"

I couldn't help but a raise an eyebrow at this question. Why do you want to have fun? I asked to myself. I turned to the boy and said, "Otters love to play. It's their favorite thing in the whole world."
"Do they like family?" the boy asked me.
I nodded my head. "They love family."

The otter knew how to make impressions of kids who like to smoosh their faces on the glass. When asked by his trainer, he would come up to the glass, press his nose onto it with his paws by his face, and gape with his mouth open wide.

As the otter followed his trainer and left us in his masterful face-making wake, the child he was making faces at said, "He likes me best. I'm his favorite."

I let the child think this, even though in my deepest darkest corner of my heart, I know that the sea otter was making faces at me and that I am clearly the favorite.

Out and About
Some things I overheard were not always from the mouths of babes.
I saw a large and grown man with his two tiny daughters standing outside a glass tank, pounding the glass over and over and saying, "Wake up you otters! Wake up you lazy otters! Come over here!" as his little girls shrieked and laughed, repeating what their father said. I cringed.

I also overheard a mother shouting at some fussy kid, telling her the reason you don't argue is because "I am an adult, and you are not!" Congratulations, Mom-of-the-Year. Your child is going to grow up saying that, and she or he is going to be as equally stubborn and pig-headed as you.

I heard nice things too. Like, "Look Mommy, a fish!" which is my favorite; but only after "Look, honey, a fish!"

Before we went to look at the whale sharks, we all spent a reasonable amount of time in front of the river otters, probably around 15 or 20 mins. The entire otter family was very busily drying themselves from when they took their after-nap splash, but right before their after-splash nap.

One rambunctious female was also very insistent on trotting the best toy around, which I have seen in my ferrets. This got her in trouble, naturally, when one of the other otters wanted to take it from her. There was quite the tug-of-war.

If the children said anything about that, I wasn't listening. Nat and I did, however, get the rest of the face-dropping crowd to cheer with us when one of the otters took her toy back, forcing the other player to go join the group once again for grooming time. All of the otters scratched their butts, backs, noses, and bellies on the rocks and limbs that were around them. It was wonderful.

Vincent

2011-01-13T07:23:00.000-08:00

After my long list of Events of the Day from yesterday (okay, it wasn't really that long), I want to add in a separate pose the well-being of my widdle baby Vincent Wincent.

He is still mostly the same, but last night he gave me such a scare. He has a wart looking thing (well, we're not really sure what it is) on his side beneath his left shoulder blade. It's in an easy scratch spot. Well, you guessed it: he scratched too hard so that when I picked him up last night he was covered in blood.

I was pretty upset, even though I knew it was just coming from the scratch. Sam and I got it under control. Vincent didn't appreciate the prodding. I put a compress on his abscess, but I really should have gotten rid of the accumulated puss. I've realized that when there is too much of a puss build up, he has more trouble walking than average. I realized this when I gave him a cracker last night for being such a good sport; he tumbled on his side and couldn't get up without my help.

Oh Vincent, my little thing. Anywho, we'll take care of the abcess puss tonight.

The Events of the Day

2011-01-12T12:28:00.000-08:00

Again, no school and no work. I'm going insane. I paid for classes out of pocket and that pocket money will never be returned to me if I don't work. It seems that they will be opening up for tomorrow though. We'll see.

Jack and I had our first successful cuddling session, where he even went out of his way to wash his paws and face. This is great because his paws are very gross and dirty and he could use some cleaning. We cuddled for a little under 5 minutes, which is a record for Jack.

I tried on my new knee pads that I got for bellydancing. It is so I can do floorwork without injuring my knees. They are a smidgeon too big, but with the sewing machine I am capable of combating any challenge. Sam tried them on and said that they were perfect for praying and cocksucking. He thinks he should create knees pads of his own and market them towards Catholics and prostitutes. Under different titles of course. :P

The knee pads go along with another great story: Yesterday, when I got them, I was looking for soft knee pads. All I could find were the hard ones in the skating area at Academy Sports. So I asked an employee if he knew where the other knee pads were. I said I was looking for soft ones, not the hard ones. He said, "We don't have those. But you could try All Sports or Toys R Us." Clearly I gave him such a questionable look that he finally said, "But maybe you could try our volleyball section. Is that what you need?"

I went to look. Soft knee pads. Yes. That's what I needed. Dumbass.

Also, I started up my car (making sure it still knew how). I was delighted that it did and I let it run for a bit so it could get warm. I scraped off most of the ice and snow that was still covering it. There's a wee bit on the top, but I can whack that part off with a stick. I still need to switch out the windshield-wipers and bulbs that I bought for it.

PS: I hurt the muscles around my left shoulder blade. I don't know how. Was it karate-chopping the snow off the car? I don't know, but it hurts madness.

Expeditionary Expedition, Pokemon, and some Ferrets in the Snow

2011-01-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

Sam and I hiked 6.2 miles in the snow today.
That was 3.1 miles to Nat and Eli's house, and then 3.1 back.
It took us two hours to get there, and 1 hr 45 mins to walk back.

When we started our journey, Sam had a good slide in the snow on his butt.

These are the sorts of prints we saw in the snow:
dog
people
deer
squirrel
stick (of the walking variety)

Also, we saw a family of five deer cross the street. They were really close and gave us a look before they crossed.

Also, and this is way before the hike, Sam and I watched a squirrel dig in the snow for his nuts. The little guy's head popped in and out and in and out... he was being very wary of predators. In the end, he found his nuts! Huzzah!

Apparently, a squirrel will bury his nuts in all sorts of places and forget most of those spots. Why do they forget? I don't know. Probably in the same way when I play Pokemon Diamond and I bury some gems in the underground, I usually forget where I put those gems. Why would I forget? It would be beneficial for me to remember.... I could buy furniture for my base, or plushie dolls, or even traps. Oh the world we live in!

[These images were pulled off the interwebs. They are not mine. For shaaaame.]

Now, please enjoy my ferrets, who of course also partied in the snow:

These were the from the night before... the shudder speed was slow to take in everything, but I'm sure you can see how excited they are:

Input

2011-01-07T09:19:00.001-08:00

I'm trying to come up with a comic series about naturalists, critter and plant conservation, and trying to make these ideas relatable and realistic towards my audience.

I want to do this as a webcomic, since those are my only means of publishing at the moment.

I am NOT looking for anything Captain Planet-esque. I want it to be realistic, because I feel the realistic situations are in themselves fun, adventurous, and interesting.

So, what sort of input do I want/need/crave?
Characters!
What kind of person does the everyday American want to see out in the rainforest doing surveys?
What kind of backgrounds are individuals interested in?

And of course, any other input is good too.
Like what sort of critters/plants do folks want to see talked about? What's really important? Of the SEVEN THOUSAND endangered species in the world, what would really help the locals understand the importance of species conservation?

That's all I can think of for now. ANYTHING is good. This idea is not very grounded yet, and I'm trying to pull it on down.

Swearing

2011-01-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

I am eleven years old, staring at myself in the mirror. The door to the bathroom is closed and locked, the ventilation is on.

I form the first letter at my lips. "F."

Licking them, I think, "I am in sixth grade now. I am not a baby anymore."

Yes. Time to grow up Clara. Time to do grown-up things now.

Mark Twain was smoking cigars well before my current age. I can certainly say a word without an issue.

My upper teeth lightly bite down on my lower lip. "Ffff," I say. "Ffff."

I breathe in. "Duck," I say. "Stuck. Muck. Freakin."

I think of all the words my dad says when he swears:
Mexican Dog Doo.
Crap in a hat.
Balogny.

I think of the words my mom says when she swears:
Merde. Merde, merde, merde, merde.

I had been told in the past by my dad that I wasn't allowed to say "Frickin'" because it meant something worse. I retorted, "Well 'dang' is the okay word for 'damn.'"

I can say damn. Well, sure I can say 'damn.' I read the word enough, hadn't I? It was everywhere, in all my favorite books. Everybody damns. I remember in elementary school a kid telling me that if the word was in the Bible, you could say it.

Damn and Hell.
But not the f-word.

I tighten my lips across my teeth, my dimples showing, and pushed out the air. "Ffff," I say. "Uck," I say.

"Ffff."
"Uughk."

Softly, the words come out inaudibly. I make the motion with my lips, no voice escaping into the loud bathroom around me.

Again, I try.
"Fuck," I whisper. "Fuck fuck fuck." I smile briefly, then quietly stay still, wondering who may be around to listen. No one. No one I know of. It's just me.

"Fuck," I say again. Satisfied, I turn off the ventilation in the bathroom.

I am prepared the next day to bewilder my friends. They will see how clever and mature I am. They will all be impressed. They will all want to hang out with me.

Truth be told, I don't know mostly anyone in my class. I know most of the boys and girls in my class, having graduated with me from elementary school, but I didn't call them 'friends' in all senses of the word. I have partners I can hook up with when doing projects and people I can sit at lunch with. But at the end of the day, when I go home, I am on my lonesome.

It doesn't really bother me.

But today is the day to impress. I will say the word, and it will be as if the universe kowtows to my very whim. Clever Clara. Mature Clara. Wise Creature Clara.

I have written a short skit that my teacher lets me use class time for working on. I want to perform it. I thought it would be fun. Besides, all the individuals who want to work with me are individuals that I like. And as far as I know, any child that can be taken out of class to do what he or she wants is a happy child. I like to make people happy. Performing the skit will also take time out of class, and so the rest of the class will be equally as delighted for my distractions.

When rehearsal time comes, I have difficulty keeping everyone's attention on my instruction.
I am a harsh and demanding director. I want to read the script out loud, mark it, then have them memorize it. Everyone wants to add their own take on the scenes. They want to add characters, start fights, be absurd. I don't want any of it.

That's why I practiced using the word that would make everyone respect me. I'd never heard anyone say it unless they were on the television, and only then when it was a movie we had popped into the VCR. If it were a movie on the television channels, the words were typically bleeped out.

So my word is a big deal.
This is the word that will "make me or break me."

Everyone is running around.

"I want to be an angel," says one girl.

"I think we should have a battle and the angel should come in and say 'stop the violence!'" another adds.

Everyone is giggling. I don't understand the joke, but I giggle too.

"Okay, let's get back to work," I say. No one is listening to me. I bite my lip. "In this next seen the character Mellot and his friend Geppo are..."

No one is listening to me.

"I hate when people don't wear the right kind of clothes," one girl is saying to another. "When they wear crappy stuff and they're worth more than that. They just trying to get pity." The other girl nods knowingly.

I look down at my bedraggled terry-clothed jacket. Raggity with nasty food splotches on it. Does she mean me? But I like this jacket.

"I think we should get back to work," I say softly, and still no one listens. They are still chatting; still coming up with their own ideas; still making jokes that I am not sure what they mean.

"Can we fucking start?" I ask.
I hold my breath.
I look around.
Into the eyes of....
...no one.

No one cares.
No one is listening.
They are too busy.
Or maybe they have heard it. Maybe their dads don't say 'Mexican Dog Doo' when he drops something on the floor. Maybe their mom isn't French and doesn't say 'merde merde merde' when she's pissed.

Maybe everyone says goddammit.
Or shit.
Or maybe even fuck.

Maybe no one cares about the word 'fuck' anymore.

Maybe its not a big deal. Everyone says it. I bet everyone says it. What's the use of it if everyone says it? Isn't it true if you overuse a word, it just becomes normal vocabulary? Maybe fuck doesn't mean anything.

When we do the show the next day in class, I let everyone do what they want. I giggle and pretend that I'm having fun. I say that I'm proud of my skit when I'm not. Eagerly, my classmates put their notebooks away because they don't care what I say. They just want a distraction. The instructor lets us take the rest of the class time off until the bell rings. It should be a good day, and I'm sure for the majority it is.

I decide that words don't make you mature or clever, and give up on using fuck as a word of power. Instead, I use it the way it seems to be perceived: everyday vocabulary.

And thus, my swearing sailor's mouth started at 11.

Knightly

2011-01-06T06:35:00.000-08:00

Last night, Sam and I decided to go on an adventure to the huge garbage bin on the other side of the apartment complex. It was 12:30 am. We had a big bag of garbage, filled with empty fish cans, dead cockroaches, empty boxes, and ferret poop. The contents don't actually matter.

I was being lazy last night and refused to put on proper pants. What I wore were my white pajama pants and my house shoes (for proper shoe wearing also required too much effort).

As we walk to the garbage bin, we come upon a small predicament: a very large puddle of water. We are in a narrow area with narrow walking space, so there is no real way around it. I curse at my laziness, for this is what I get.

Well Sam had not been lazy. He put on proper pants and proper shoes. He took the garbage from me, walked across the puddle. and dropped it. He then came back and offered his back for a piggy-back ride.
Hurrah! Piggy-back rides! When was the last time I got one of those?

Safely on the other side of the puddle, we jolly two skipped to the garbage bin and threw the bag in. We walked back to our apartment, meeting the same puddle on the way with the same solution, and I safely arrived home non-soaked (I did, however, tromp about in the grass and my pants got wet. But that is besides the point of this story).

Our quest was over! Safe return home! The dragon was slain!

As an afterthought, however, I still wonder why the garbage bag went first.

Biology

2011-01-03T17:41:00.000-08:00

My first class in almost a year's worth of no-classes, and I must say I am scared shitless.
Biology is my only class this quarter, and already I am afeared it is too much. I'm sure my nerves will settle once I settle more into the school life.

Both Sam and Natalie have assured me that I will be okay. Sam looked over my notes after class (it was six pages full) and we lightly discussed some of the things. At work today, Nat told me that she would very happy to study with me because then she could see what she remembered (Nat has a wildlife biologist major, like the one Sam's working on).

And even though this is all very comforting....
well, panic and fear can be quite unreasonable. And so, naturally, I am flipping out.

I am telling myself I will do fine. These are the reasons I will do fine:

A) I am going to be a Critter Nurse (or as Athens Tech calls it a Vetrinary Technician)
B) My biology teacher also uses the word 'critter'
C) I lurv critters.
D) Um..... I don't know. Critters?

Ode to Yowling Cat Outside our Apartment Complex

2011-01-03T06:16:00.000-08:00

Every day
every hour
every moment
you are ceaseless.

I fucking hate you.
Shut up and let me sleep.

It's true. I loathe PETA

2011-01-02T18:02:00.000-08:00

Via: OnlineSchools.org

The Moving is Over

2010-12-31T16:37:00.000-08:00

And MY GOD did I abhor every last minute of it.
I have been in a perpetual foul temper this entire week. I have snapped and swore and been less than civil. My down time involved Sam and I watching the entire second season of Deadwood.

But now it is all over. I can wash my hands of it.

Speaking of hands, look what I found through StumbleUpon:

This was the website given: http://photos.500px.com/133665/4

This past week has not been only upsetting and difficult in regards to moving and intense cleaning; Vincent has not been doing very well as of late. I had to call in sick on Wednesday at work. He has a somewhat large abscess next to his penis which I found on Tuesday (maybe Monday?). Sam and I squeezed the puss out. It smelled terrible, like bad flesh. We cleaned it out with saline and have been flushing it with the such since. He's been a little better, but the main thing is that he is also old. His healing is not as quick as it used to be.

The past few days, Vincent has pickedup the habit of standing next to his cage door and wait politely until I pick him up. He watched the majority of Deadwood with Sam and I this week; or more we watched it while he slept in the crooks and cranies of our bodies and blankets.

I love Vincent very much; he reminds me so much of Mark yet still has the riviting and loving qualities that he can easily call his own. Such as, whenever he is distressed he flattens his ears out to the side. I call them his 'worry ears.' I haven't seen other rats do it, although I'm not sure I've seen many a worried rat. Terrified, yes. Timid, yes. Concerned? Not so much.

Anywho.

The move is over. I can breathe in deep and exhale without fear of repercussion.